The Shiny Affair of Mr Pink
by beautifool
Summary: Told from Jayne's perspective. Some Jaylee stuff with an amusing, adventuresome sidestory featuring Simon. Post Serenity. UPDATE TO CHAPTER 18!
1. Chapter 1

Jayne remembered the first time he'd seen 'er—all fresh-faced an' excited. She looked like she'd been raised off of corn bread an' cream. Like she'd never even seen a Firefly, none less been inside've one's belly.

She weren't one've them cool companions who cost a fortune to have 'em be chilly at ya. Weren't one've them cheap, dirt-side whores either.

Not that there was somethin' wrong with cheap, dirt-side whores.

But Kaylee was a Woman. Jayne capitalized it in his head when he thought of it. Woman. All curvy an' soft.

He'd wanted to pin 'er down when he'd first seen 'er. Lick 'er all over an' make 'er shiver.

But when she'd first come on, she'd only had eyes for one thing. Serenity.

She spent every second in that engine room, tinkerin' an' cooin' an' settin' things right after that gorram Bester idjit had mucked it all up. Sometimes he'd stick his head in. Ask her if she wanted help. Really he just wanted to see her layin' on her back under the engine.

Nice to have a visual at night.

After she'd fixed the boat up enough to suit her, there had been a few times that he'd caught her lookin' at 'im. A few times he'd let her see him lookin' at her.

There was one time… God… it was burned on Jayne's brain, he conjured it up so often. There was one time when him an' Kaylee was paintin' the kitchen. She'd picked up a bunch of buckets of yella paint somewhere. Decided it was perfect fer the kitchen.

He'd offered ta help. When there weren't no jobs bein' done, he didn't have much to do. Plus he liked bein' around her. So they was paintin'. Makin' small talk about growin' up an' such. Kaylee picked up a bucket of paint an' it slopped all over 'er front. She'd set the can down an' whipped her shirt off 'fore she even thought about it.

She weren't wearin' nothin' underneath. Seemed ta realize that when she'd seen where Jayne was lookin'. Jayne knew fer certain she'd let him have an eyeful before she'd wrapped a kitchen towel around herself.

Quite a Woman.

Jayne wanted her. Real bad. But he din't want ta start nothin' too messy. Close quarters in Serenity. Could end up good. Could end up bad. Could end up spaced.

Weren't no doubt in his mind that Mal preferred Kaylee to him. If things went wrong, it'd be Jayne's fault.

Yeah. Too messy.

He didn't want Kaylee ta be a conquest, anyway. Jayne Cobb was no romantic. In an' out. Maybe more than once—maybe even a regular thing—but nothin' else. He didn't know how to handle women outside the bedroom. Or whatever make-shift bedroom they was usin'.

Somethin' in the back of his head told 'im Kaylee deserved more than a regularly scheduled poking.

But gorram. Somethin' else was just tellin' him that he wanted her.

After the yellow paint thing, he'd been hopin' that she'd start to warm up to him more. Maybe spill more paint. Maybe… show up in his room covered in naught but engine grease.

If she'd started somethin', he'da been rude to've said no.

And then the gorram doc had shown up. Taken that little flame that Jayne had tryin' to fan in Kaylee and taken a leak all over it.

It really got under his skin how the doc got ta touch Kaylee. How he'd gotten to be the hero after she'd been shot in the belly, even though it was his gorram fault she was.

How she looked at him all the time. And how when she looked at Jayne it was like she didn't really see him. She saw the doc talkin' in a Jayne voice.

Made 'im mad, the way Kaylee mooned after the doc. The way the doc didn't even seem to notice.

It got worse when the doc did notice. When Jayne would see them walkin' somewhere and could tell that the doc was figurin' things out.

It was torture livin' in the same boat as Kaylee. Worse to be livin' with both of 'em. An' now that the doc had finally grown the rocks to do somethin' about Kaylee's moonin…

Jayne was in Hell.


	2. Chapter 2

Jayne glared across the table at the doc.

He pretended not to notice. Wiped his mouth with a napkiny thing he always brought to the table.

Made Jayne want ta punch 'im in the head.

Man shouldn't have womanly qualities like carin' 'bout how clean his face is. The doc ate like his chopsticks was made outa glass anyways. Not like he gave himself a chance ta get dirty. In the time it took the doc ta eat a bowl of soup, Jayne coulda had thirds, dessert, and sent it all out the bulkhead.

"The things you do with protein powder never cease to amaze me."

Ai ya. Who says talks like that?

Jayne looked away as the doc leaned toward Kaylee. He stood up. Made sure to make lots of noise, gatherin' up his things, but he heard the happy noise Kaylee made when they kissed all the same.

"Gorramit. I hear the two of you goin' at it all night. You gotta do it in the light of day, too?"

He threw his stuff in the sink an' walked out without lookin' back at 'em.

He could hear the doc makin' angry little noises and Kaylee gigglin'.

See? He could make 'er giggle. Doubted the doc did much. Weren't many wacky stories comin' outa the infirmary and there were only so many "crazy sister" tales a body could take.

Even a body as fine as Kaylee's.

Jayne climbed down the ladder into his bunk. Went to his bed an' knelt on it, pullin' up the blanket hangin' above it like it was a shrine.

"Mornin', pretty girl."

The light caught 'er just right. Made 'er shine real beautiful.

Jayne stroked a hand along the length of Vera's barrel. Patter her fondly.

"Wish I could bring ya along."

He ran his hand over the rest of his selection. Decided on a real manful-lookin' hand gun an' slipped it in his waistband.

"But we're goin' fer subtle today."

Mal was waitin' in the cargo hold.

"You ready?"

Jayne lifted up his shirt just enough for Mal ta see the gun. "Sure am."

"Shiny. Let's go get paid."

xxx

Jayne crossed his arms across his chest and leaned back in his chair. Made sure to look real sinister-like.

He was good at sinister. The little guy sittin' across the table from him looked like he was about ta need himself a new pair 'a pants.

"I'm gonna ask you one more time. Then I'm gonna let my friend here take ya outside and beat the _shu ma nyaow _out of you."

Mal's voice was real calm.

Jayne piled on a little more sinister.

Gorram, he loved his job sometimes.

"You ready? One more time. Here we go." Mal leaned across the table.

The little guy jerked back, his rabbity eyes flickin' between Mal an' Jayne.

"Where… is… my money?"

"I… I swear ta God, I don't know."

Mal sat back. "I'm real sorry ta hear that." He turned to Jayne. "He's all yours."

Jayne let himself grin the scariest grin he had. The real toothy, murdery one that he practiced just fer special occasions. He stood up. Let the chair make a real ugly sound as he did.

"Stop! Oh, God! I… I swear I don't know where your money is!"

Jayne rolled his shoulders. Got himself good an' warmed up.

Couldn't risk pullin' a muscle er nothin'.

"But I know who does!"

Mal held up his hand. Jayne didn't have ta play lookin' disappointed.

Mal leaned toward the little guy again. "That's more like it."

Jayne sat back down. Pulled out a knife and started spinnin it between his fingers, just ta keep up the sinister factor.

"Now. You gonna tell me names or am I gonna have ta go on an' threaten you with violence again?"

The man was pantin'. His eyes kept goin' between Mal, Jayne, an' the knife like he was decidin' which was the most likely ta pounce.

"I… uh…"

"I think he's bluffin." Jayne stood up an' leaned across the table. Grabbed the guy's shirt with the hand that weren't holdin' the knife.

The man's eyes went real wide. "Mr. Pink! His name's Mr. Pink!"

Jayne let go of his shirt an' stood up straight.

"Mr. _Pink? _What the hell kinda name is that?"

Mal turned and looked at Jayne, then back at the man. "I think that's a fair question, Mr…"

"H-henry."

"Mr. Henry."

"I-It's an alias. I don't know his real n-name."

Jayne snorted. "That's a pretty sly name fer a man ta pick fer himself."

Mal turned around again an' gave Jayne a look.

Jayne shrugged.

It was.

"He runs a… a house. A wh-whore house… called Pink Petals."

"Ah. Hence the Pink."

The little man was noddin'.

Jayne adjusted the gun in his belt ta keep the little… Mr. Henry… from getting' too comfortable.

It worked.

"And where might we find this… Mr. Pink?"

"Hard ta say. Usually at the house. It's just… just outside the town. 'Bout three miles er so. But sometimes he travels. No one knows where he goes. But he was the one who was… who was backin' the job. He's got the money. Least… h-he knows where it is."

"Thank you for your help. Much obliged." Mal lifted his drink to the little guy and finished it off. Jayne stood up. He'd finished his off somewhere near the middle of the meetin'.

Mal's voice was low as they walked out the door. "Guess we're hittin' a whore house."

Jayne felt himself smilin'. "Yee-haw."


	3. Chapter 3

Zoe was watin' for them in the cargo hold. Crazy was there too, hangin' upside down from the catwalk. She looked like some kinda long, gangly, spooky-eyed possum.

Gave Jayne the wiggles when she looked through him like she was.

"No money?"

Mal leaned against a crate. "Didn't have it. Claimed he didn't know where it was."

"Huh. So where is it?"

"Whorehouse."

Zoe's eyebrows went up. "Anyone we know?"

"Man calls himself Mr. Pink."

"That's a pretty sly name for a man ta choose himself."

"That's what I said!" Mal an' Zoe both turned to Jayne. Gave him one of those even stares an' turned back to each other like he hadn't said nothin'.

Oh. So it was fine fer Zoe to say the man's sly fer givin' himself a girly name…

Jayne grunted and crossed his arms.

_Ching-wah tsao duh liou mahng._

"Reckon he'd be willin' to give it up easy?"

"Doubt it. Few are."

"Reckon we should go check it out?"

"I conjure it'd make things easier when it comes time ta break in and take it."

"Yes, Sir."

"Jayne." Mal turned to Jayne. "I'm gonna need you ta go with Zoe. I reckon this Mr. Pink ain't gonna give us our money easy-like and I'd like to know what we're up against."

Gorramit, he'd been standin' right there. Not like Mal an' Zoe'd been talkin' in their heads.

"Shiny." Jayne started goin' through his guns in his head, tryin' ta decide which one ta bring along.

"You're just checkin' it out. Don't do anythin' stupid."

Damn.

"An' don't go feelin' up the merchandise, either."

Damn.

"Wouldn't dream of it." Jayne smiled.

Mal turned back to Zoe. "Be careful."

"Always am, Sir."

xx

Mal figured the mule would be a bit too conspicuous. Likely ta be remembered. Jayne didn't have the foggiest where the horses came from. Figured they was probably borrowed.

He took the big buckskin. Zoe took the smaller black one. There was a butter-yellow one, too. Real weird color. They left it tied ta the tree by the ship, nibblin' at a clump of grass.

They didn't talk none on the way ta the house. Fine by Jayne. Zoe'd never really done anythin' you'd call "openin' up" ta him. They rarely traded small talk, even before Zoe'd got all clammed up.

Jayne matched his breath with the footsteps of the horse.

Two steps in, two steps out.

Been a long time since he'd been on a horse. Felt good.

Two steps in, two steps out.

Kaylee looked real pretty that mornin'—even if she was makin' googly eyes at the doc. She'd taken a shower, now that they was dirt-side. Her hair was real shiny. Looked all soft. Skin, too.

He wondered what she smelled like close up. He hardly got a chance ta get close to her. Not close enough.

He needed a shower. It'd been a while, an' he reckoned his aroma was headin' past manful ta just plain wrong.

Plain. Plain Jayne.

He could use a sandwich. One with lots a meat. An' cheese. Gorram, it'd been a long time since he'd had cheese. An' that yella stuff mama'd bring out on real special occasions.

Yella. Yella paint. Half-naked Kaylee.

Better than a sandwich. Sweet and savory Kaylee between slices a… Jayne an' the wall.

"Sounds like we're getting' close."

Jayne let the visions of Kaylee slip away.

"Yep."

They could hear the laughin' an' carousin' long before they reached the house.

Actually, it was more than a house. It was like a compound—one big house in the middle of four or five little buildings.

"Quite the spread."

They didn't say nothin' else until they were up at the main house.

Zoe kept her voice low as they bent to tie their horses to the post out front. "I'll do the talkin'. Keep your eyes open for anythin' that might be a problem."

Jayne nodded. Fully planned on enjoyin' his look around.

A couple a girls were standin' right inside a the door.

They grew 'em pretty.

One a the girls—the redhead—attached herself ta Jayne's arm an' put her hand on his chest.

"Lookin' fer somethin'?"

Jayne looked down at her. Great view from above.

"Uh…"

"_Bao bei_."

Took all Jayne's will ta look away. Zoe was glarin' at him. The other girl was standin' beside her, eyin' her through half-closed eyes.

Zoe came over an' took Jayne's hand. Her hand felt right strange in his. Dry an' callused.

The redhead on his arm let go and purred. "Oooh. Couples."

"Who's in charge here?"

The girl slunk closer to Zoe. "You can just tell me what ya've got in mind. I can set it up for ya."

"We're lost. We need to talk to the person in charge. See if maybe we can get some help."

The other girl had moved behind Jayne. She circled around him, trailin' her fingers along his back.

Jayne's brain stuttered to a stop.

"We can help you. Getcha goin' real nice."

Her fingers slid along his waistband, over his side.

Jayne looked down at her. She looked up. This one had dark hair. Curly. She was bitin' her lip as she looked up at him.

Sweet Ye-soo.

She stopped. Looked away from Jayne. Turned her head to Zoe.

Jayne looked down. Zoe had grabbed her hand. Stopped it maybe a finger's width from the butt a the gun stuffed in his waistband.

Oh.

"You touch my man again, I will break every bone in your body."

The girl gave Zoe a sullen look. Jerked her hand away and folded her arms, juttin' her jaw out like a kid.

"Now. Who's in charge here?"

The other girl—the redhead—came to join her friend.

"Mr. Pink." The dark-haired one jerked her head toward a curtain on the other side of the room. "In there."

Zoe's voice was so damn pointy. He was surprised the girl didn't pop. "You gonna be kind enough ta introduce us?"

The girls looked between Jayne an' Zoe. The dark-haired one shrugged and walked toward the curtain.

Zoe followed her. She was still holdin' Jayne's hand, so he followed, too.

Kinda wished she would let go.

Sounded like most of the carousin' was goin' on behind that curtain.

The girl tapped on the wall beside the curtain, then turned around ta glare at Zoe.

Her friend had shown up again. The redhead. She stood beside her, givin' Jayne eyes an' lickin' her lips.

Jayne grinned.

A head poked out of the curtain. "What?"

Both girls turned toward it.

The dark-haired one spoke up. "We gots some people here wanna talk ta Mr. Pink."

The head—Jayne assumed it was attached to a man—turned ta him an' Zoe an' looked 'em over.

He pushed the curtain aside an' let them in. The girls went in first.

The man holdin' the door open eyed Zoe longer than he had to.

Jayne glared at him. Put his hand on Zoe's waist real lightly an' moved her to the other side a him.

Weren't proper fer a married woman ta get eyeballed like that.

There were probably a dozen men in the room. Near that, anyway.

Jayne could pick out Mr. Pink right away. Not that there was a blinkin' sign er nothin'. He could just tell.

First off… he was wearin' pink.

He stood up. He was almost as tall as Jayne. Littler, though. Skinnier. Dark hair an' a big smile.

If it hadn't been fer the little patch a hair on his chin, Jayne woulda thought he was about twelve.

He bowed.

"I see you've met Marie," he nodded at the dark-haired girl, "and Stella." He nodded at the red-head.

"We have. Right friendly establishment you have here." Zoe was tryin' hard ta sound nice. Non-threatenin' at least.

Mr. Pink bowed again. "I do try." He straightened back up. "And whom do I have the pleasure of meeting with?"

Whom?

"My name's Rebecca." Zoe put her hand on Jayne's arm. "This is Zeek."

What the hell? Zeek?

Mr. Pink smiled again. "A pleasure to meet you, Rebecca." He turned to Jayne. "Zeek." He pointed at an empty stack of pillows on the floor. "Please. Have a seat."

Zoe grabbed Jayne's hand again when he went ta sit down.

Jayne noticed Marie cough inta her hand.

Gorram girl was laughin' at him.

Zoe was makin' him look whipped.

Zeek.

"Thank ya kindly, but we were just wonderin' if we could get some directions. We're lost. Wonderin' if you could tell us where we could find a general store of some sort, so we could get some supplies and be on our merry."

"Ah. I see." Mr. Pink was noddin'. So were half a the other guys in the room. Looked creepy. "There is a town nearby. About three miles west of here. They don't really have what I would call a general store. More like a… _luh-suh _grab an' go hole in the ground."

He looked around at the people in the room. They all laughed like this was real funny of him ta say.

When things settled down again, Mr. Pink turned his attention back ta… Rebecca an' Zeek.

"You might be able to get some things there. I would suggest carrying on to Sheridan. It's about a half day's ride south of here. They'll have much better provisions."

"Thank you, Sir."

"Call me Mr. Pink. Everyone does."

Zoe bowed her head. "Thank ya kindly, Mr. Pink."

"No problem at all."

Zoe didn't say nothin' until they was outa listenin' distance.

"What do you think?"

Jayne shrugged. "Nice place."

"About Mr. Pink."

"Nice man." Jayne shifted in his saddle. "Mite paranoid, maybe."

"Every one of those men in there had at least one gun. Might pose a problem if we need ta take the money."

"Yep."

Jayne squinted against the sun.


	4. Chapter 4

Mal brought it up at dinner. Pushed his plate away an' stood up.

Jayne had pushed his plate away a while back. The doc had cooked. Tasted like moldy buttcrack.

"Lot of you probably noticed we ain't been paid yet. Likely think it strange, since we just finished a job."

Mal crossed his arms and started pacin' at the head of the table.

Jayne saw somethin' move outa the corner of his eye. He glanced across the table.

Kayle was sittin' with her arms folded, lookin' bugged. The doc was rubbin' his arm with an "I-just-got-hit-by-a-girl" look on his face.

Jane smiled an' turned back ta Mal.

"Turns out the backer for the job ain't keen on the idea of partin' with his money. Can't say I blame him on principle, but I aint too keen on not gettin' paid, either. So one of us is gonna have ta give. Ain't gonna be me."

Zoe spoke up. "The backer has security. At least two girls at the door to check for weapons."

She shot Jayne a look.

He cleared his throat an' got real interested in the mess on his plate.

"'Bout a dozen men with guns, besides."

Mal stopped pacin'. Stood with his arms crossed, lookin' around at everyone. "Now, we don't know where our money is. For all we know, this guy could be the type ta keep everythin' in the bank. And knowin' where our money is is somethin' that could come in handy when we have ta take it."

"Man like that ain't likely ta be sharin' that kind of information with just anyone, though. Ain't likely ta be makin' all his goons prive to it, neither."

Mal nodded at Zoe, then looked around at the rest of the crew. "So what we need is an insider. We need someone ta get in there and get through his shields. Get inta his circle. Become trusted enough ta be let in on his secrets."

"Or get him vulnerable enough to let 'em slip."

"We need someone ta get to know this guy real intimate-like."

Took Jayne a second ta realize Mal an' Zoe was both lookin' at Inara.

Seemed ta take her a second ta realize it, too.

"Oh."

"Figure there ain't no one better ta' smooth-talk the owner of a whore house than a wh-"

"Companion." Zoe cut Mal off and gave him a sharp look. Inara was givin' Mal a pretty pointy look herself.

"Whore house?" Kaylee cut inta the starin' contest.

Mal looked over at her. "Yeah. The backer owns a whore house outside a town. The Pink Petal. Guy goes by the name a Mr. Pink."

Kaylee wrinkled her nose. Gorram, she looked adorable when she did that. "Mr. Pink?"

"It's an alias."

"Pretty sly name fer a man ta pick fer himself, doncha think?"

Everyone turned to look at River. She was lookin' down at her plate, makin' some kinda sculpture outa her protein mush. She looked up and smiled, raisin' her eyebrows.

"Yeah." Everyone turned back ta Mal. "Yeah, we've all established that Mr. Pink is a pretty interestin' choice fer a name. Doesn't make him any less armed or any more willin' ta give us our money."

He looked over at Inara. "Not yet, anyway."

xxx

Jayne didn't know where the water in the shower came from. Not when they was in the black. He was always kinda afraid that it was all recycled. Wasn't keen on the idea of showerin' in whatever anyone else did in the shower.

First thing they did when they hit dirt-side most times was ta fill up the tank. If'n they wasn't bein' chased 'er nothin'. They'd filled up this time, though, so Jayne felt pretty good about showerin'. Kaylee was the only one who'd showered since they'd filled up, so even if they was recyclin' the water, he didn't mind none.

She'd left her stuff in the shower, lined up against the wall. Most of 'em used the same soap—big ugly brown bricks that Mal had got some discount on somewhere. Didn't smell too bad. Didn't smell to great, but it got 'em clean.

Inara didn't use the brown stuff. She had special stuff ta make her all apealin'. 'Parently Kaylee didn't use the brown stuff, neither.

Jayne bent down an' picked a bottle up. Opened the cap and gave it a good sniff.

Smelled like… pie. Apple pie.

He picked up the two other bottles an' smelled 'em in turn. One smelled kinda fruity an' the other smelled like… Jayne didn't know. But it was gorram tasty, whatever it smelled like.

He washed his hair with the third one. The one that didn't smell like anythin' he'd ever smelled before. Felt kinda girly, but it foamed up real nice. Plus it smelled like Kaylee. Jayne liked the idea of bein' all wrapped up in that smell fer a while.

He took his dear sweet time in the shower. Felt good ta relax. Get the dirt off 'im. Shut everythin' out. Mal. Jobs. Money.

Everythin' but Kaylee.

Let himself think the most about Kaylee in the shower.

He pulled on some cleanish pants an' a cleanish shirt. Toweled off his hair. He'd forgot socks, so he carried his boots outa the shower with him.

Kaylee was sittin' in the hall.

She jumped up when she saw him.

Jayne felt her eyes slide up his chest, where the shirt was stickin' ta his wet skin. Felt her eyes go up ta his hair, then back down ta his face.

Whew.

"Hi."

"Hi!" Kaylee seemed ta snap out of some kinda funk. She looked past Jayne inta the shower. "Took a while in there."

"Yeah. I uh… Yeah."

Jayne cleared his throat.

She looked down at her feet. "I was just waitin'."

"Thought ya already washed up."

"Oh. Well, yeah, I… uh…" She looked up from her boots. Smiled one of her half-smiles that made her eyes all sparkly. "How'd you know that?"

Jayne cleared his throat again. "Left yer…" He looked over his shoulder inta the shower. Couldn't look at her eyes fer some reason, much as he wanted ta. "Left yer stuff in there."

"Oh! Yeah. Yeah, that's what I was waitin' fer. 'Nara's, actually. Might want it back before she goes ta… yanno. Whatever." She laughed that little laugh.

Jayne's stomach rolled over. He cleared his throat again and stepped aside ta let Kaylee pass.

She brushed up against him as she did.

"Jayne?"

Jayne turned around. Kaylee was standin' in the doorway, lookin' at him.

"I like it when your hair kinda stands up like that. Makes ya look…" She shrugged. "Nice."

Jayne didn't say nothin'. Didn't know what ta say around her sometimes.

He turned back around an' kept walkin'.

He walked past the doc, who was sittin' readin' a book. He looked up when Jayne walked by.

"Jayne, why do you smell like vanilla?"

"Shut up."

Vanilla. That's what it was.

Jayne ran his hand over his hair. Made sure it was stickin' up.


	5. Chapter 5

Mal an' Inara was fightin' when Jayne came inta the cargo hold. They didn't notice when he came in. Too wrapped up in theirselves.

"Of course you didn't bother to ask me before."

"Well, I didn't reckon it'd be a problem. You ain't whorin' right now, so-" Mal was shoutin' at Inara's back now. She'd turned and was stompin' up the stairs ta her shuttle. "Well who was I supposed ta send? Kaylee? The girl?"

Inara turned at the top of the steps. "No. Who better to send to a whore house than a whore?" Her voice made even Jayne shiver, an' she weren't even pointin' it at him.

Seemed ta freeze Mal, too. He was just lookin' up at her, mouth open like he was gonna say somethin'.

"I…"

"I'll go in the morning."

Jayne heard the door ta' Inara's shuttle close.

Mal punched the release on the cargo ramp. Literally closed-fist punched it.

Jayne watched as he stalked down the ramp inta the dark. Didn't catch what he was sayin', but he got the idea.

"Those two just need ta give it up."

Jayne turned at the sound a Kaylee's voice. She'd snuck up on 'im.

She was lookin' after Mal. "We should lock 'em up in 'Nara's 'n let 'em fight it out. Maybe strip off all their clothes first. Give 'em a little push."

Jayne chuckled.

Kaylee looked up at him, smilin'. She was cradlin' the bottles from the shower against her belly. She'd put her hair up. Jayne kinda missed it.

"Ain't healthy ta keep all that wantin' all bottled up."

A piece of her hair slipped outa the band she'd put it in. It fell across her nose.

Kaylee shook her head ta move it. Only succeeded in lettin' more hair out.

Jayne reached out an' tucked her hair behind her ears. Let his fingers stay there longer than he probably should've. She looked right with her face in his hands.

"Reckon it ain't."

Her voice was real quiet. "Ain't what?"

"Healthy. Ta keep everythin' bottled up."

"Oh. Yeah." She dropped a bottle. It fell on Jayne's foot. She blinked and looked down at the bottle. "Yeah. I mean… I know I feel better since… yanno." She looked back up at Jayne. "Since me an' Simon…"

_Tian xiz shou you de ren dou gai si._

Why'd she have ta say a thing like that?

Jayne dropped his hands from Kaylee's face an' bent down ta get the bottle. He handed it ta her, makin' real sure not ta look her in the eye.

"Yeah, where is the doc?"

"He's with River. Doin' tests an' all."

Jayne raised his eyes an' looked at 'er. She looked real bugged. He snorted. "Huh."

He looked away before she looked at 'im. Turned around an' walked across the hold in the direction he'd been goin' 'fore he'd come across Mal an' Inara.

Halfway across, he turned around. Kaylee was lookin' at him.

"You know, Little Kaylee… I reckon if I'da got a hold've ya once, I'd've never let ya outa my sight. Not even fer a crazy sister."

He turned back around. Felt her eyes on 'im until he was outa sight.

xxx

Jayne hadn't slept well. He'd had real stupid dreams. In one of 'em, he was playin' cards with Mal an' some guy with an apple fer his head. The apple guy kept tryin' ta cheat an' Jayne's cards was all backwards. An' then Kaylee showed up an' took a bite outa the apple guy's head an' he exploded. An then Kaylee an' Jayne started makin' out real hard on the table while Mal rambled on about how Jayne's boots were too dirty.

He woke up real cranky.

Felt a little better when he walked down the hall ta the kitchen an' smelled somethin' real tasty cookin'.

Kaylee an' Inara were the only ones sittin' at the table. Jayne nodded to 'em, scratchin' that spot on his stomach that always seemed ta itch when he woke up. He walked over ta the stove. There was a pot of somethin' 'er other sittin' there. He got himself a bowlful an' turned back ta the table.

Inara was lookin' at 'im, an' Kaylee was tryin' real hard to look anywhere else.

Jayne realized he'd just walked in on a conversation about himself.

He set his bowl down on the table across from Kaylee an' sat down.

"So."

Jayne looked at Inara. She was lookin' at Kaylee, who was lookin' at her bowl.

Inara looked at 'im real quick.

"So." She cleared her throat real delicate-like. "Jayne. You've met Mr. Pink, haven't you?"

Jayne nodded an' took a bite of breakfast.

Tasted real nice. He said as much.

"Kaylee made it." Inara smiled at Kaylee, who was still lookin' at her bowl.

"Nice cookin', Little Kaylee."

She glanced up at Jayne an' smiled. Gorram, she was pretty when she smiled.

She got up an' went over ta wash her bowl. Jayne watched her as she went by him.

Inara cleared her throat again an' Jayne looked at 'er.

"So what's he like? Anything I should know about him?"

Jayne shrugged an' took another bite. "He's slick. Yanno what I mean? Talks real pretty. Like the doc."

Kaylee dropped her bowl. Jayne glanced over at her.

"Is he… I mean… does he seem honest?" It was real obvious that Inara was tryin' ta keep his attention.

Jayne rolled her question around in his head for a minute. Sucked on his teeth. "Nope." He sat back in his chair. "I mean, he ain't given us our money, has he? Seems pretty obvious." He shrugged again. "Acts nice, though."

Inara looked at 'im like he was gonna say more.

He leaned forward again an' took another bite.

He didn' know what else ta say. So he sat there eatin'. Inara sat there watchin'. An' Kaylee washed the same bowl over an' over.

Just when Jayne was worried he couldn't scrape anythin' else offa the bottom of his bowl ta keep 'im from havin' ta talk, Inara stood up.

"I'd better go, then. Sounds like I have quite the task ahead of me." She looked down at Jayne, then over at Kaylee, then back at Jayne.

She smiled. Kinda awkwardly, considerin' she was trained ta smile right.

Then she left.

Kaylee wandered back ta the table. She tried ta make it look like wanderin', anyways. She sat down across from Jayne an' looked at her hands on the table.

"Sleep well?"

Jayne thought about makin' out with her on the table covered with applesauce.

He shrugged. "Fine, I guess. You?"

She shrugged.

Ta be perfectly honest, her not sleepin' was half the reason he hadn't slept well. He'd heard her an' the doc arguin' last night in her bunk. Didn't hear what they was sayin'. Just loud voices. An' not the usual kind.

He sat back in his chair again. "Really was a good breakfast."

"He told me I was pretty when I had engine grease on me. 'Pparently, it ain't appropriate fer the dinner table, though. Did you know he was tryin' ta wipe it off while Mal was talkin' last night? With his napkin thing. Like some old lady."

Jayne blinked.

"An' he keeps askin' me ta stop sayin' things like 'ain't.' Well my mama said ain't an' it was fine fer her, so it's fine fer me. Gorramit, things was fine 'til we started actually talkin' ta each other. I mean, we hardly talked before, an' at first it was all sex, yanno?"

She looked up at Jayne.

"Not that… you wanna know that." She let out a short, nervous laugh.

"Uh…"

"Sorry."

"It's… okay." Jayne cleared his throat an' shifted all uncomfortable-like.

She was lookin' down at her hands again.

"So… uh… where is he?" Why was that the only thing he could think've ta ask?

Kaylee snorted. "With River, I'm sure."

She sighed.

"I understand that she's got… problems. But… I really don't think I'm a good enough person ta settle fer bein' second best, yanno?"

She looked right at Jayne.

Ye-soo. He knew.

He could see her swallow hard. "Been thinkin' 'bout what ya said last night."

He took a deep breath. "Yeah?"

"Something smells wonderful."

Kaylee looked from Jayne ta the doc, who'd just swooped in.

Jayne coulda' strangled 'im.

Kaylee looked away when the doc bent an' kissed 'er forehead. She smiled at 'im.

Jayne grit his teeth an' stood up. Left 'is bowl on the table an' pushed past River in the doorway.

Hated 'er fer lookin' at 'im like she pitied 'im.


	6. Chapter 6

Jayne pushed the barbell away from 'im like it'd done somethin' personal.

His teeth were still grit. They were startin' 'ta hurt. But he was frustrated. He'd been frustrated fer… over a year now. Frustrated lookin' at Kaylee an' not touchin'. An' now frustrated with bein' so close an' havin' that _go se _doc…

It was like they was lookin' at each other through a little hole in a wall. An' she was practically beggin' fer 'im ta come over ta her side.

Huh choo-shang tza-jiao duh tzang-huo.

His knuckles were white on the barbell. Gorram fantastic time fer Kaylee ta notice that there was a big piece a Jayne hankerin' fer her.

Fan-ruttin'-tastic.

An' what was he supposed ta do? He weren' no gentleman. Under normal circumstances, he'da smacked the doc around an' taken Kaylee. But this weren't normal circumstances. They was all sittin' in a little ship in the middle of a little rock waitin' fer a gorram companion ta—

"You tryin' ta hurt yourself? 'Cause you're doin' a good job."

Jayne let the barbell drop inta place real loudly an' sat up ta look at Zoe. "Why the gorram hell are we still on this gorram rock? There are other jobs ta be done an' other money ta be had. What's so special about this job an' this money that we have ta sit here an' rot while 'Nara goes an… an'… whatever?"

Zoe looked at 'im real even. "We're still on this rock because Mal said we stay on this rock. For whatever reason he has."

Jayne stood up, his anger flarin' an makin' 'is ears buzz. "Well I can't stay on this ruttin' ship forever! I can't sit here an' just…wait. If the money is so gorram important, why don't we just go in there an' take it an get OUT of here?"

Zoe was still givin' him that look. "Because there are seven of us and at least twelve of them that we saw. Probably more. So if you want ta go try, be my guest. I'm gonna sit here an' wait."

Jayne ground his teeth an' went ta his bunk.

xxx

Inara came back way before anyone expected 'er ta. Mal called 'em all together again.

Jayne sat across from Kaylee again. She was sittin' next ta the doc. Didn't even look at Jayne. Didn't seem ta look at the doc, neither, so that was okay by Jayne.

Inara was standin' by the stove with her hands folded in front of 'er.

Mal was sittin' down. He leaned back in his chair an' put his boots up on the table. He looked over at Inara. "So what's so important that you had ta get us all in the same room?"

She stepped forward. Looked like she was tryin' ta hide a smile.

"I went to the Pink Petals this morning and met with Mr. Pink. And I can tell you, without even the idea of a doubt, that he is… not interested in me."

Mal slid his feet off the table. "What the hell are you talkin' about? What's wrong with you? You're beautiful!"

Inara glanced over at 'im. Everyone else did, too.

None of 'em were blushing like Inara was, though.

"Well…" She looked down at her shoes. "I'm not exactly… his type."

She looked up at all of 'em like this was enough ta say.

Jayne still didn't get it.

Zoe started laughin'.

Mal was laughin' too.

Jayne looked at Inara. Looked her up an' down an' wondered what kinda sly…

Oh.

Jayne let himself have a good chuckle over it.

Zoe sat back in her chair, laughin' so hard she was cryin'. "He really is sly! It's not just the name! That certainly changes things."

Inara's smile was full-blown now.

Zoe was breathin' now at least. "Jen dao mei. Just our luck that our seducee likes the boys." She wiped a tear outa the corner of her eye.

Mal was still smilin'. "Who'da thought?"

Jayne snorted. "All've us."

Everyone started laughin' again.

"An' which of us is gonna' try our hand at Mr. Pink? Me? Jayne?"

They all laughed harder.

Eventually, the laughter started dyin' down. Everyone was pantin' a little, still smilin'.

Jayne found himself lookin' at the doc. Got the sense everyone else was, too.

Suddenly, the doc weren't smilin' no more.


	7. Chapter 7

No." The doc looked around the room, eyeballin' each of 'em in turn. "No!"

"Well, you are the prettiest of us menfolk." Mal glanced over at Jayne. "No offence meant."

"None taken." Jayne wasn't sweet on the idea of bein' burdy. Ruggedly handsome, sure. Sexy… better. Purdy, no.

He ran his hand over his hair ta make sure it was stickin' up proper.

"Absolutely NOT." The doc pushed his chair away from the table an' stood up. "Why do we need this money so badly anyway? I'm sure there are other jobs we can take. Jobs not involving the possibility of my having to kiss a man."

Jayne looked over at Mal. He was sittin' back with his fingers pressed together like a tent. "I do a job, I get paid. One way 'er another. I ain't doin' charity work."

"Well YOU go, then."

"That ain't gonna happen."

"Oh, but you'll send me?"

"That's the idea."

Jayne was lookin' back an' forth between Mal an' the doc. Stopped on the doc when he didn't reply.

The doc looked down at Kaylee like she was supposed ta help.

She just shrugged.

He turned ta Crazy, who was sittin' on the other side of 'im.

She shrugged too. "You are the prettiest."

She said it like it was a given.

The doc looked around at all of 'em again. "I don't believe this."

Jayne watched 'im walk outa the room.

"Simon!" Kaylee went next.

Jayne got up an' followed 'er.

He heard Mal get up from the table behind 'im. "Whose turn is it ta make supper?"

Jayne could hear Kaylee an the doc arguin' when he turned down the hall that led ta the doc's room.

"But why me? Why can't Mal go? Or Jayne?"

"Jayne can't go 'cause Mr. Pink's already met 'im. And Mal can't go because… he's… Mal."

Jayne crept up ta the door real quiet-like. It was open a little at the edge. He could see Kaylee sittin' on the bed, watchin the doc outa Jayne's sight.

"Oh. Well. That makes perfect sense, then."

"Well! Mal's just… Mal. He ain't really the… gentle type, yanno? Not soft 'er nothin'."

"And I am?"

"Well, yer a lot softer'n mal er Jayne, that's fer certain. I mean, anyone could tell ya that out of the three of ya, yer the most likely ta be—"

She stopped.

There was dead silence.

"Sly?"

"I ain't sayin' you are."

"I didn't think you of all people would question my… preferences."

"I ain't questionin' anythin'!" I'm just sayin', is all. I mean, you're smart. Real educated. Ya dress nice. An' you are… pretty."

"You can't frost over this with flattery."

Kaylee stood up. "I ain't frostin' nothin'! But the truth is, our engine is all broke up an' we can't take off 'till we get her fixed. An' we can't get her fixed until we get money, an' we can't get money until you get over yerself an' go seduce a pimp so we know where the gorram money is. So get over yerself or take up knittin', 'cause we're gonna be here a while."

Jayne stepped back from the door as Kaylee opened it. She looked at 'im, then turned an' slid the door shut so hard the paper rattled.

Jayne more er less kept up with 'er as she stalked down the hall.

They was headin' toward the engine room.

"That true about the engine?"

"No."

"So… where ya goin'?"

"Ta make it true."

The reached the engine room.

"Get me a screwdriver."

Jayne leaned against the wall an' watched as she shimmied around under the engine, unscrewin' things an' settin' 'em on the floor. After a while, she got up an' gathered everythin' she'd taken off and pushed them inta Jayne's arms.

"Looks awful nice fer a broken up engine. I'd think there'd be more… banged… stuff. Maybe a couple a' exploded things.

Kaylee looked at him like he'd swore about her mother.

"I ain't gonna hurt 'er just 'cause Simon's being a… a… ching-wah tsao dun liou mahng."

Jayne chuckled.

She glared at 'im. He stopped.

"So what am I supposed ta do with these?" He lifted his armful of engine parts. One of 'em started sliding off.

Kaylee caught it an' put it on top of the pile again.

"I dunno. Put 'em under yer bed 'er somethin'. Take care of 'em, though. I'll need 'em back eventually."

She was still standin' with her hand on the engine part, lookin' up at 'im. She weren't glarin' no more at least.

Way she was lookin' at 'im was pretty nice, in fact.

"Jayne?"

"Yeah?"

"Is it true you've never kissed a girl?"

Jayne blinked. "Who told you that?"

Kaylee smiled. "You did."

"I ain't… I ain't never said I'd never kissed a girl. I said I don't kiss whores. Don't make a habit of it, anyway."

"So you have kissed a girl?"

"'Course I have. I ain't sl—er… I ain't shy 'er nothin'."

"Lots of girls?"

Jayne cleared his throat. He looked away from her eyes. Felt like was goin' blind lookin' inta 'em that long. "Not… a lot. Well that depends on what you mean by a lot."

"More th'n one?"

Jayne looked around the room. "Sure I have."

Kaylee didn't answer. He looked down at her. She was still smilin' that sweet little smile.

"Not countin' relations."

Jayne looked down at the engine parts, then back up at Kaylee.

"No."

Her smile got wider. "What was her name?"

"Jenny. She was my neighbor when we was kids."

Gorram, why was he tellin' her this? Gettin' rid of all his mysteriousness.

She tipped her head ta the side. "What was she like?"

"She was a real sweet girl. Punched real hard, though. Real pretty, too. Red-brown hair. Blue eyes."

He looked back up at Kaylee.

He cleared his throat again. "Kaylee?"

"Yeah, Jayne?"

"These are real heavy."

"Oh!" Kaylee moved away from 'im. "Sorry."

Jayne smiled real quick at 'er and slid past 'er inta the hall.

When he got to his bunk, he dropped the engine parts on his bed an' went over ta look in the mirror. He leaned one hand on either side of it an' looked at 'imself.

"Idjit."

He leaned his head against the glass.


	8. Chapter 8

"Jayne an' Zoe'll be hangin' around in case somethin' happens to ya."

Jayne looked over at Mal. "We will?"

Mal gave 'im a look an' turned back ta the doc. "They'll be able ta follow what's goin' on through that little transmitter in yer ear. Shouldn't be something he'd be able ta see er get suspicious about. Just don't let 'im nibble on yer ear er nothin'."

Mal grinned. The doc gave 'im a look fit ta kill.

"I'll try."

Mal handed Jayne an' Zoe their own transmitters. Jayne popped his in an' pulled on his earlobe ta get it comfortable.

"Where exactly we gonna be hangin' around at?" Kinda hoped fer a spot in the whorehouse.

"In the hills ta the south. Far enough away not ta be noticed, but close enough ta ride in with guns blazin', should our doc find 'imself in danger."

Damn.

"Guns?"

Mal nodded. "'Course."

"When we leavin'?"

"I'm not really in a hurry." The doc looked downright pissy.

Jayne gave 'im a smile an' ambled in the direction of his bunk. "I'll hurry, then."

Vera was waitin' right where he'd left 'er. He pulled her off of 'er pegs an ran a hand down 'er barrel real soft. Kissed 'er gentle-like.

"So you have kissed more th'n one girl."

Jayne whipped around. Kaylee was standin halfway down the ladder, holdin onta it with one hand an' smilin' at 'im.

"You that nice to all women? Or just guns?"

She came the rest of the way down the ladder.

Jayne smiled. He'd tried goin' back ta the engine room last night, but by the time he'd got up the rocks ta do it, she'd left. He was real glad ta see 'er again.

"Depends on the woman."

"Yeah? How so?"

Jayne looked down at Vera. "Well… if she's good ta me, I'll be real good ta her. Keep 'er clean. Oiled. Make sure all 'er parts work right. An' that they get worked often."

He looked back up at Kaylee.

She was still smilin', bitin' her lower lip now, though. Her cheeks were kinda pink.

Jayne took a step toward 'er.

"Women do have their advantages over guns, though. Warm skin's always better 'n cold metal."

Her cheeks were darker pink now.

Jayne's heart was speedin' up. By the looks of 'er face, Kaylee's was, too.

"Oh?"

"Always."

Someone cleared their throat. In his ear.

"Wonder what's takin' Jayne so long. We'd better get movin' soon."

Zoe.

His gorram transmitter was in.

Shi.

"Gotta go."

Kaylee blinked. "What?"

"Gotta… uh…"

Jayne waved Vera like she could answer for 'im.

He moved toward the ladder. Kaylee moved aside.

He looked down when he'd reached the top. She was standin' at the bottom, lookin' up at 'im with a look on her face that near broke his heart.

When he got ta the cargo hold, Zoe was lookin' real carefully at her gun.

Simon was lookin' at him like he was gonna kill 'im.

Jayne took the buckskin again. Zoe took the black one. That left the doc with the silly-lookin' yella one. He didn't seem ta notice, though. He just glared straight ahead, silent as stone.

Jayne almost woulda preferred ta have the doc draw a gun on 'im. Come flyin'. At least then he coulda' punched 'im an' had it over with. Better th'n havin' him poutin' like he was.

Couldn't help but wonder what the doc was gonna say ta Kaylee. Jayne wasn't sweet on the idea of her bein' upset er nothin'. Or gettin' yelled at.

The doc wouldn't do nothin' ta hurt Kaylee. Didn't seem the type. An' if he had, Jayne'd likely have ta wait in line behind Mal ta beat the shu ma nyaw outa 'im.

Weren't none of the doc's business. Gorram girl could make decisions fer herself.

Not that's she'd exactly decided anythin'. She hadn't come out and said nothin'. She just kept hintin' an' goin' at it backwards.

Gorram girl. Why couldn't she make a decision?

Zoe'd stopped. Jayne pulled his horse to a stop next ta her The doc was too busy glarin' ta notice. Kept on ridin' ahead.

"Simon."

The doc looked around. Turned his horse back.

"Yes?"

"Best we part ways here. You keep straight ahead. Go inta the compound from the west. We'll head south ta those hills." Zoe nodded at some hills in the distance.

"Fine."

"Got your money?"

The doc nodded. Jayne could see his jaw clenchin' an unclenchin'.

"Don't spend it unless you have ta. Stay only as long as you feel comfortable."

"I'm done, then."

Zoe half-smiled. "Longer than that."

"Do I get a safe word? Or do I just have to scream your names when he tries to have his way with me?"

"I'd rather not have my name mentioned, if ya don't mind."

The doc didn't even glance at Jayne.

Zoe shifted in her saddle. "I think I safe word would be best. Got one in mind?"

"Oh, I don't know. Usurper Seducer. Gun-toting desperate ape-man."

"Hey!" Jayne didn't know what the first one meant, but he was ruttin' positive the last one was aimed at him. "You got somethin' ta say to me, little man?"

The doc finally looked at 'im. "Nothing you'd understand."

"You two wanna fight ta the death, do it on your own time."

Jayne tore his eyes away from the doc an' looked at Zoe. She gave him a sharp look an' turned ta the doc.

"How 'bout turtle?"

"Or turtle."

He gave Zoe a little smirk that made Jayne wanna knock 'im over the head. Then he turned around an' kept ridin' straight.

Zoe turned her horse South. Jayne followed.

Jayne ground his teeth. "Huh choo-sang tza-jiao duh tzang-huo."

"I can hear you."

Gorram transmitter.

"Good! I meant for ya ta hear!"

"Of course. How silly of me."

Jayne whipped his horse around.

"Boys, it ain't none of my business what either of ya do in your own time. But we're on a job right now. Jayne, turn your horse around."

Jayne glared after the doc. Took a lot've effort ta turn his horse back toward Zoe.

"Yeah, Jayne."

Ruttin'—

"Simon, I know plenty of blows that can hurt ya without markin' up that face of yours. Dong ma?"

The doc was silent.

Ha.

Jayne smiled at Zoe. She just turned her horse back toward the hills.

The rest of the trip was silent, 'cept fer the sounds the horses made. Simon got ta the compound before him an' Zoe reached the hills. Jayne could hear the girls by the door cooin' at 'im. Wondered if it was the same ones.

"I'm—I'm looking for Mr. Pink. Could you—Oh! Yes, hello."

Jayne chuckled. Sounded like the girls were givin' him the once-over. Or twice-over.

They reached the hills an' found a little clump of trees that they could see the compound from. Jayne could see the yella horse tied up outside the main house.

"I'm looking for Mr. Pink. Excuse me! That's my—is Mr. Pink even here?"

Jayne was shakin', he was tryin' so hard not ta laugh out loud.

From the looks of Zoe, she was doin' the same.

"Who wants ta know?"

Sounded like the dark-haired one. Marie.

"My name is… uh…"

Jayne looked over at Zoe. She wasn't laughin' now.

They'd forgot ta give Simon a name.

Jayne hoped he wasn't dumb enough ta give his real name.

"Jayne. Jayne… Hanson."

What the hell!

"Jayne?"

"I was named after my mother."

Jayne tightened his grip on Vera.

"What the hell are you doin'!"

Jayne looked over at Zoe. "What the hell is he doin!"

She had her face in her hands.

"Right this way, Mr. Hanson."

"Please. Call me Jayne."


	9. Chapter 9

The doc must've got through the guard at the curtain. Next thing Jayne heard after lettin' out a string of cursin' that likely woulda made his mama cry was the doc gettin' introduced ta Mr. Pink.

"A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Hanson."

"Oh, do call me by my first name. I find it to be so much more… intimate."

Jayne ground his teeth, thinkin' of all the ways he could kill 'im.

Mr. Pink sounded like he was smilin'. "Jayne."

There was a little pause. The doc cleared his throat. Jayne could hear some twinkly music playin' somewheres.

"Schubert?"

Jayne looked over at Zoe. She shrugged.

'Pparently Mr. Pink knew what the doc was talkin' about, though.

"Impressive. You know the masters?"

"I studied ancient humanities as an undergraduate."

"Ah! An educated man. I don't find many of those out here, I'm afraid."

Jayne heard a low grumble from Mr. Pink's bodyguards. Boyfriends. Whatever they was.

Mr. Pink didn't seem ta care. He an' the doc started talkin' about "Baytoven" an' "Moatzart" an' Vivaldi an' Lennon an' Elfman an' a whole bunch of other people who were supposedly real important. Not important enough fer Jayne ta know who the ruttin' hell any of 'em were. Or care, even.

Real borin' conversation, far as Jayne was concerned, but the doc an Mr. Pink seemed ta be enjoyin' themselves.

Jayne rolled onta his back, layin' Vera across his belly. Sun was real bright. He laid an arm across his eyes an' tuned the doc out.

It wasn't like they'd overheard somethin' bad. The doc an' Zoe. Him an' Kaylee was just talkin'. 'Bout guns.

'Course, Jayne knew he weren't thinkin' 'bout guns. Pretty sure little Kaylee weren't, neither.

Gorram transmitter couldn't read minds, thought. Jayne was half sure he hadn't said nothin' real naughty er revealin' er nothin'. Not like Zoe an' the doc had overheard what he'd really wanted ta say.

He thought back ta what they'd actually said. Couldn't remember the words so much as Kaylee's face.

Somethin' jabbed him in the side. He moved his arm off his eyes an opened one eye ta look over at Zoe.

She was grinnin' an bitin' her lip like she was tryin' real hard not ta laugh.

She pointed ta her earpiece.

Jayne sat up an' tuned back inta what the doc was yappin' on about.

"I'm not saying that Schubert wasn't a genius. He was, in every sense of the word. All I am saying is that the magnitude… the power of his works pales in comparison to Bach."

Jayne blinked an' looked over at Zoe. "Bock?" He mouthed the words at her. "Like… chicken?"

She snorted and covered her mouth.

Jayne kept listenin'. It was Mr. Pink's turn.

"But the speed of Schubert's works! There is irrefutable power in that!"

What the gorram hell was they talkin' about?

"I'm not refuting that Schubert possessed a certain power. But think of Bach's 'Air on a G String.' The delicacy. The sweeping emotion. The sense of… of… being wrapped up in the arms of someone you love more than life."

Jayne raised his eyebrows.

Doc wasn't done yet.

"And then think of 'Toccatta and Fuge.' The power. The raw, masculine sublemnity. If 'Air on a G String' is love, then 'Tocatta' is lust. Pure lust. Being swept up in it. Carried away. Stunned and stoned and gasping."

Ai ya.

"For a man… one man… to have the power to represent the delicacy and beauty and femininity of love as well as represent the sublime, passionate masculinity of lust… it's overwhelming. For all of that, for such seemingly opposite sides of the male and the female, to be wrapped up and radiating from one, perfect, warm body…"

The doc trailed off.

Jayne looked over at Zoe. She looked over at him. Her eyebrows were raised.

That was pretty hot talkin' fer a man who was all against hittin' on another man.

Someone let out a breath. Jayne figured it was Mr. Pink.

"I stand corrected. Somehow I failed to see the… eroticism in Bach. And I pride myself on being able to find eroticism in everything."

Jayne could just see the skeezy smile on his face.

"Mr. Hanson… Jayne… let us be honest with one another."

Jayne did not like his name rollin' around in that mouth. He reminded himself ta make the doc bleed fer it.

"Yes?"

"You did not come here to discuss the masters."

Zoe shot Jayne a look.

"Careful, Simon." Her voice was calm, but she drew her gun as she said it. "Safe word is 'turtle.'"

Mr. Pink was talkin' again. "You came to me for something, and as you seem… as I see… to not be interested in any of my girls, I suspect… there is something else you have come to me for."

Zoe was off the ground now. She untied her horse an' pulled herself onta it. Jayne followed.

"So. How much are you looking for?"

Jayne could hear the doc stutter.

"I only have a few grams on site. But I can send for more if you're interested."

Zoe seemed to relax. "Grams. He's talkin' about drugs, Simon. Tell him you'll take what he's got on site."

The doc still sounded too awkward for Jayne's liking. "How much are you asking for what you have with you now?"

"Two thousand for what I have here."

Ye-soo. Either he was sellin' pure gold dust er he had more th'n a few grams.

"Simon, you only have five hundred."

"I'll take a quarter of it, then. I only have five hundred on me."

There was a pause. "I'll give you half. The other five hundred you can make up by accompanying me to a party tomorrow evening."

Jayne looked over at Zoe.

The doc had got himself a date.

"Accept, Simon."

"It would be my pleasure."

"Good. It will be held here. Arrive around… seven? And come prepared to dance."

xxx

Simon handed Zoe a pink silk bag when they met up. He was dead silent the whole trip back ta the ship.

Jayne kinda wished he'da said somethin', so he could pick on' 'im real good.

He headed straight for the showers without a word as soon as they set foot on the ship.

Jayne grinned after 'im.

"How'd it go?"

Jayne turned around. Mal was standin' by Zoe, lookin' after the doc, too.

Zoe handed him the pink silk bag. Mal opened it and looked inside.

"Seems our Mr. Pink has more than one occupation." He tossed the bag ta Jayne.

Jayne caught it an' looked inside.

There were five little paper-wrapped cylinders. Jayne didn't have ta open them up ta know what was inside.

Kosu weed.

Shiny.


	10. Chapter 10

"'Jever… 'jever want somethin' real bad?"

Jayne looked over at Kaylee, eyein' the hills and valleys of her tight tank top for a long minute.

Yup.

"Like… well, like an apple."

An apple?

Jayne took a long drag from the little kosu weed cigarette between his fingers and held it out to Kaylee.

"Sure. Why not."

Kaylee took a drag and held it for a long time. She let it out real slow with a long, happy purr. "Can't get stuff like this most places."

Jayne nodded, leaning his head back against the hull.

"Pity how no one else cares fer the finer things in life. Simon did good."

Kaylee's voice was low and husky from the smoke. Slow. Drawn-out. Jayne liked it that way. Truth was, he didn't mind none that it was just him and Kaylee sittin' here.

He shifted and pulled a rock out from under him. He stared at it for a bit, then tossed it away.

"So… you really want this apple, right?"

Jayne looked over at her, squinting against the smoke.

Kaylee held the cigarette out for him. "An this apple is all you really think about. Night an' day."

Jayne took the cigarette from her.

"An' finally you get a hold've one. A whole… a whole crate of real shiny apples. And you really want the apples. And turns out the apples want you back."

Kaylee was staring into the distance, looking all philosophical-like.

"An' so you finally get this apple. This perfect apple. An' you eat it. An' it feels so good on yer teeth that you have to have another one. And another one. And then… then you get real sick-like."

Jayne chuckled and took a hit off of the cigarette.

"An' you realize that you don't even really like apples. Truth is, you kinda wanna punch them and smear mud in their hair."

Jayne looked at her. "We still talkin' 'bout apples?"

Kaylee looked at him, her eyebrows lowered.

"Course we are. I said we was, din' I?"

Jayne grinned and handed her the cigarette.

She took another drag.

"An' then you realize… you realize you din' really want the apple in the first place. You was just real hungry, an'… an' apples was the first thing you thought of."

She was lookin' at the cherry on the end of the cigarette. "But… but whatcha really wanted was… whatcha wanted was just…" She turned to Jayne, her eyes half-lidded. "More of whatcha already had on yer plate."

Jayne licked his lips. He couldn't help it, with Kaylee lookin' at him like that.

He didn't think they were talkin' about apples no more.

"Jayne?"

"Yeah?"

She tipped her head ta the side.

Next thing he knew, she was on his lap. Straddlin' it, her thighs pressed inta his hips. Her hands was on his shoulders. On his neck. Pullin' at the little hairs at the base of his skull.

An her mouth. Sweet ye-soo, her mouth.

She'd tipped his head ta the side an' was nibblin' real light on his ear, slidin' her tongue back behind it ta pull it between her teeth.

His brain could barely keep up. Could barely figure out what was goin' on.

Part of 'im wondered if 'ed fallen asleep. Or died. The other parts weren't thinkin' at all.

He felt himself groan, deep in his throat, without meanin' to.

Her hands left his neck. Reappeared at his waist, slidin' up his shirt.

Her fingers found the scar from when Crazy'd swiped at 'im. She stroked it, sendin' little jolts all through Jayne's body.

She pulled her teeth away from his ear.

She scratched her nails real light down his chest.

"You're a real man."

His brain caught up just when she turned his face toward hers.

He turned his face away again.

The kiss landed on his cheek.

She kept her lips there for a minute, then leaned her forehead against the spot she'd kissed. She sighed. Sat up.

Jayne looked at 'er.

She looked hurt.

"I ain't good enough ta kiss ya?"

Jayne unclenched his jaw. "That ain't it."

"What, then?"

Jayne looked past 'er.

"I ain't gonna kiss ya just because you're mad at yer boyfriend."

Kaylee climbed off've him. "He ain't my boyfriend."

"All the same."

Kaylee was mad. He could feel it comin' off a her.

Jayne's head was swimmin'. Between the weed an' the shock an' the blood all leavin' his head fer other parts of his body, he could hardly think.

He took a second to figure out what he wanted ta say.

"Kaylee, if… if I'm gonna I kiss you, it's gonna be just you an' me. Ain't gonna be nothin' but me wantin' you an you wantin' me. Way it should be."

She didn't look at 'im.

He took a breath. "An' Kaylee… I'll always be wantin' you. So when it's me yer after… just me…"

He shrugged.

Couldn't think of nothin' else ta say.

He stood up an' went around the ship ta the back, where the cargo hatch was still down.

Zoe eyeballed 'im when he came up the ramp. Went from his mussed-up hair ta his stretched-out shirt an' stopped there.

Didn't say nothin'.

Jayne grunted.

"I'll be in my bunk."


	11. Chapter 11

Jayne couldn't sleep. Not fer the life of him. An' he'd tried near everythin' he could think of. But he couldn't stop thinkin' 'bout Kaylee. 'Bout how soft her lips were. How her hair smelled like kosu weed an' vanilla. 'Bout how she'd got 'im all heated up an' for some gorram reason he'd stopped 'er.

Why'd he stop 'er?

'Cause he wasn't a good enough person ta be second best. Just like Kaylee'd said. Somewhere he'd let his gorram pride get in between Kaylee an' his belt buckle.

He looked at the wall separatin' his bunk an' Kaylee's. Wondered if she was thinkin' of him like he was thinkin' of her.

He had ta get out.

Jayne wasn't sweet on walkin' around barefooted. Lord knew what kinda stuff was on the floor a Serenity. But barefoot was quiet. An' he couldn't take the thought've havin' Kaylee know he was out an' about an' followin' him. Didn't think he had the discipline ta say know ta her twice.

Didn't know where he was goin', exactly. Just wanderin'. The ship was all quiet, seein' as it was sleeptime.

No, not quiet. There was somethin' goin' on in the cargo bay.

He crept real quiet down the hallway an' peered aroun' the corner.

Not the cargo bay.

Inara's shuttle.

Crazy was sittin' just outside the door ta her shuttle, bobbin' her head from side ta side ta the music that was comin' out of it. She looked over at Jayne an' grinned.

She waved fer him ta come over an' put a finger ta her lips.

Jayne certainly didn't have nothin' better ta do.

The door was only part-way open. River was sittin' so that she could see through the crack. The light comin' from the shuttle fell in a line across her face..

She looked up at Jayne as he got closer. Had a real pleased look on her face.

She put a finger to her lips again.

He caught the tail-end of somethin' Inara was sayin'. "—doubted that you could make Bach sexy."

"I just never… EVER… thought of it that way."

Doc was in there, too.

"Well now—ah! Back THEN forward."

"Sorry."

"It's alright. Nothing broken."

Jayne had got himself behind Crazy so he could see through the openin' too. There was a flutter of red as Inara went past. The music stopped for a second, then started over from the beginnin'.

She fluttered past again.

"You're going to have to learn to speak and dance at the same time."

"I can, usually. I've had dancing lessons since I was five."

Jayne snorted. Crazy turned around an' scowled at 'im. She pushed her finger against his lips an' turned back ta the door.

"I've just never danced… backwards."

"Not backwards, Simon. Differently. And you may not have to follow at all. We don't know which role Mr. Pink… prefers. Best to be prepared."

Jayne stuffed half his fist in his mouth ta keep from laughin'. The doc an' Inara had just swooped by with Inara leadin' an the doc all but holdin' his invisible skirts up.

"He seems like the controlling type."

"Oh, you never know. Believe me, some men who control everything outside the bedroom are all too subservient in… other environments."

"Oh god!"

"It's just an example."

They were quiet fer a little after that. Jayne preferred not to imagine what the doc was thinkin' about.

Almost felt sorry fer 'im. Maybe woulda… if he hadn'ta asked Mr. Pink ta call 'im Jayne.

Hwoon dahn.

"How are things going with Kaylee?"

The doc must've stepped on Inara again. Jayne heard 'er hiss through her teeth an' mutter somethin' not all-together companiony.

"Sorry."

"Let's just… take a little break."

The music stopped.

"Things aren't going well, then?"

"Uh…"

"I see."

"Has she said anything to you? About… me? Us?"

Jayne sat up a little straighter.

"It's really not my place to say."

Fei hua. 'Course it was.

"Has she said anything about… Jayne?"

Jayne leaned forward. Saw Crazy lookin' at 'im outa the corner of 'is eye.

Inara was real quiet.

"I see."

"They do have a lot in common, Simon."

"I hesitate to believe that."

"Simon…"

"I just don't see how things could change so quickly. How she could be so interested in me one day and the next… not."

There was a little pause.

"You weren't interested in her on day. The next you were. It's the same."

"That's… it wasn't like I wasn't interested in her. I had other things to worry about."

"And now so does she."

Jayne caught 'imself smilin'.

"But… THAT?"

Jayne weren't smilin' no more. Crazy stuck an arm in front've 'im ta keep 'im from jumpin' through the door.

"Simon, Jayne's not a 'that.'"

Damn right.

Inara's voice was softer now. "Things change, Simon. Sometimes they change more slowly for one person than they do for the other."

The doc didn't say nothin'.

Jayne heard a rustle. Inara standin' back up.

The music started again.

Jayne patted Crazy on the head an' went back ta his bunk.

Slept like the dead.


	12. Chapter 12

Jayne staid in bed for as long as he could. Hadn't yet figured out how ta act aroun' Kaylee. Figured it was best ta… stay out a sight.

He weren't hidin'.

He jumped when someone kicked the hatch leadin' down ta his bunk.

"Put some pants on an' be in the kitchen in five minutes."

Mal. Prob'ly gonna talk about what they was gonna do about the doc's date that night.

Jayne groped over the side of the bed fer the pants he was wearin' the night before. He held 'em ta his nose an' sniffed. Thought about it fer a second an' sniffed again.

Good enough.

He pulled 'em on an' stood up. Stumbled over ta the sink an' splashed some water on his face.

Considered shavin'. Thought better of it.

His Fightin' Fairies t-shirt was mostly clean. Didn't stink, anyway, as he pulled it over his head. He looked at 'imself in the mirror again an' ran his hand over his hair, mussin' it up a bit.

He closed the hatch behind 'im after he'd put his shoes on an' clumb up ta the deck. Made sure it was shut tight an' turned toward the kitchen.

Kaylee was just comin' up outa her hatch.

She looked at 'im. Her eyes were a little red. Didn't look like she'd slept real good.

Jayne's stomach did a little dance.

"Hi."

Her voice was a little gravelly and real ruttin' sexy.

"Mornin'."

"You… uh… you headed ta the kitchen?"

Jayne nodded slowly, lookin' around at the walls. Couldn't quite bring himself ta look at her face, pretty as it was.

"Yup."

"Me, too."

The silence was real loud.

"We could… walk… together. If you want. I ain't forcin' ya to er nothin'. Just… if ya want." Jayne rubbed the back of his neck and looked real intent-like at Kaylee's feet.

"That's okay."

Jayne glanced up at Kaylee's face an' then back down. "Fine by me. Just askin'."

"No! I mean… okay. I meant yes. That's okay. I want you."

Jayne's eyes shot up to her face.

She was red as a warnin' light. "To! I want you to. Walk with me." She was twistin' her hands in front of her. "I didn't sleep real good last night. You'd think I woulda, with all the kosu weed an' all but I didn't 'cause I was real wound up an' thinkin'… 'bout… stuff. Mal's callin' us." She let out a weird little laugh an' turned toward the kitchen.

Jayne didn't hear Mal callin'. But where Kaylee went, he would follow. An' he was supposed ta be walkin' with her anyways.

Maybe.

Actually he wasn't real clear on what the final answer was on that, but Kaylee didn't seem ta be protestin'. She was just fiddlin' with her hands in front of 'er as they walked.

Couple 'a yards from the door ta the kitchen, Kaylee stopped an' turned ta Jayne.

He looked at 'er. She was lookin' hard at 'im.

"The thing is…"

She stopped.

Jayne waited. His hart was poundin' in his ears. Wished it would shut up a bit sos he could hear 'er.

Didn't matter. She turned on her heel an' walked inta the kitchen, her mouth still open like she was gonna say somethin'.

What the hell had just happened?

When he finally walked inta the kitchen, everyone was sittin' down 'cept Kaylee an' Mal. The doc had a seat open next ta him. Made Jayne feel nice that Kaylee hadn't taken it.

He sat. There was a spot left between him an' Zoe. He looked at Kaylee. She had her head bowed an' her hand on her forehead.

"Someone's got a bit of a crush."

Jayne whipped his head around ta look at Mal.

Mal was lookin' at the doc.

Jayne heard Kaylee let out a big breath.

Mal looked around at the rest of the crew. "For those of you who haven't heard the happy news, the good doctor's got himself a little date tonight."

Crazy applauded.

The doc was scowlin'. "It's not a date."

Mal talked over 'im. "Since this is a real date this time an' not just niceties, I want ta make real sure there's someone nearby sos they can protect 'is honor if things should come ta that. Jayne."

Jayne went from smirkin' at the doc ta lookin' over at Mal.

"You were so taken by the best little whorehouse on this rock that you left your beautiful wife behind ta pay a little visit. Just so happens ta be the night of the party." He looked at Zoe. "Jayne doesn't get in, you'll be waitin' up at the same spot as yesterday. Now I want transmitters in all've ya, but I got a feelin' that'll be a little hard ta do with the close proximity the doc'll be havin' ta Mr. Pink." He looked at the doc. "Lucky for you, Zoe's got a real attractive pair of earrings left over from the war."

He held out his hand.

The doc looked at the little dot in Mal's hand, then back up at his face.

"That's nice."

"It's a transmitter."

"Oh." The doc just kept lookin' at Mal. Mal didn't say anythin'. It was like a gorram starin' contest. "You're not sticking that through my ear.

"No, I'm not."

"I'm glad to hear that."

"You are."

Jayne snorted.

The doc was lookin' mighty pissed. "Excuse me?"

"I don't have medical experience. Don't want you gettin' an infection 'er nothin'."

Mal smiled.

"Give it to Jayne!"

"Damn sight more important ta listen ta what Mr. Pink's sayin' than listenin' ta whatever Jayne's doin'. And what if Jayne can't get in?"

"So stick something in my ear!"

"That's the plan."

"No! InSIDE my ear. Like last time."

Mal sighed. "Reckon I already mentioned how Mr. Pink was likely ta notice somethin' in yer ear if he got too close."

"But I don't—"

"You can all go now. Jayne… Zoe… be ready at 1600."

Jayne nodded an' stood up as Mal turned back ta the doc, who was still yammerin'.

"I will shove this through your ear with force, doctor. Just figured you'd want ta try another way."

Kaylee caught up with Jayne as he walked back ta his bunk.

Truth be told, he'd be walkin' kinda slow on purpose.

"The man whines like a kitten."

Jayne looked over at her an' smiled.

She smiled back. Held his eyes for a while, then looked down.

"You don't suppose he likes it, do ya? Actin' all sly. It is an act, don't ya think?"

Jayne shrugged. Didn't much feel like talkin' 'bout the doc just then.

He felt her eyes on the side of his face. "You wouldn't complain if the Cap'n tried ta pierce your ear, would ya?"

Jayne shrugged again.

"Don't reckon ya would. You've had worse."

Jayne stopped an' turned ta Kaylee.

"Is the only reason you talk ta me because I ain't the doc? Because I'm all… manful an'… whatever it is you think you're lookin' for?"

Kaylee blinked up at 'im.

"N-no."

"'Cause it don't really seem like you're talkin' ta me. Seems like yer not talkin' ta him an' I'm the closest one ta overhear ya."

She just looked at 'im.

Hadn't meant to sound as mean as he did. Didn' stop 'im, though.

"I don't want ta talk about him. I don't want ta talk about what he is er ain't er anythin'. I don't want 'im around. I don't like 'im. So when you get 'im all outa yer system an' feel like talkin' ta me, let me know. It's like I said last night. You an' me an' that's all." He softened his voice. "I'm greedy like that."

Kaylee was chewin' on her lower lip.

Jayne wanted ta reach out an' touch her hair.

He didn't.

"He knows, anyway."

Kaylee looked up at 'im, her mouth open a little.

"What'd you say?"

Jayne shrugged. "I didn't say nothin'." Not right to 'im, anyway. "But he knows."

Kaylee folded her arms an' scuffed her shoe. She sniffled. Looked up at Jayne.

Broke his heart ta see her eyes all wet like that.

"I thought…" She shrugged an' looked back down.

Jayne wanted ta hold 'er. Wanted ta wrap her up an' keep her safe an' warm forever.

Instead he shrugged again. "I'll be here."

An' he walked away. 'Cause his words'd run out.


	13. Chapter 13

Jayne hated waitin'. Made 'im feel useless. Made 'im… think too much.

"Fifty-four. Fifty-five." The words were little more th'n grunts on the up-side of his push-ups.

He'd been doin' a lot've waitin' lately.

Waitin' fer Kaylee. Waitin' fer plans ta start. Waitin' fer… Kaylee.

He could feel her lips on his ear again. Feel the weight of 'er pressed against 'im.

"Sixty. Sixty-one."

Feel 'er hands. Her tongue.

Why had he ruttin' stopped 'er?

He knew why he'd stopped 'er. But it didn't stop 'im from bein' real surprised he actually had.

"Sixty-five."

He was sick've waitin' and sick've walkin' away.

Man's got needs, after all.

But… gorramit. When'd he get too proud ta give in ta all-mighty temptation?

"Zeek! You all fit to go whorin'?"

Jayne tuned the comm out. Wasn't done yet.

Sixty-eight. Sixty-nine.

"Hey!"

Seventy. Not bad.

Jayne rolled onta his back an' stretched his arms over his head. "Yup."

"Good. You're leaving."

"Do I get ta change my shirt first?" He sat up an' glared at the comm.

"You're leaving."

Jayne looked down at the v of sweat on the front of his t-shirt. Reckoned there was a bigger one on the back.

He shot the comm another look an' got up. Opened his drawer real quiet-like an' found a half-decent shirt. Pulled the Fightin' Fairies one off as he was goin' up the ladder an' let it drop. He had the new shirt over his head an arms an was halfway out the hatch when Kaylee came outa hers.

She glanced over at 'im, then away. Then back again real slow.

Jayne pulled his shirt down the rest of the way.

Kaylee looked up at his face. She was blushin'.

She hurried the rest of the way outa her hatch an' hurried down the passage outa sight.

Jayne smiled an' let the butterflies in his belly dance a while.

xxx

Kaylee wasn't in the cargo hold when Jayne got there. He'd been half hopin' she would be.

More th'n half.

The doc was glarin' at Mal, who was pretendin' not ta notice. Jayne caught a glimmer in the doc's ear when he turned his head ta keep glarin' at Mal as he crossed the room.

"So. Here's the plan. The three of you'll ride out together. Jayne an' Zoe'll head for that same little copse've trees you waited in before." Mal turned ta look at the doc. "Simon'll split off at the same point and head into the complex." He turned back to Jayne. "Ten minutes later, you come ridin' in lookin' for some fun." He handed Jayne a bag of coins.

Jayne grinned.

"Don't pick no one too expensive. I've got a ship to run. An' keep an eye on the Doc, like you're supposed to. No drinking, no goin' off alone."

Jayne scowled.

"Aw, fine."

Mal turned ta the doc. "Simon, all we need is for you to find out where he keeps his money. Soon as you know, you can make an exit. Ride back the way you came and take care no one follows. Zoe," Mal turned toward Zoe, "don't wait too long before fetchin' Jayne."

"Fetchin'?" Jayne looked over at Zoe, then at Mal.

"Don't want you lookin' too suspicious, leavin' shortly after the doc. Gotta give you a reason for leavin' abrupt-like. So your wife's gonna come fetch you." Mal smiled his little smile.

"FETCH me? What kinda marriage is this?" Jayne looked over at Zoe again. "Am I gonna get slapped?"

"I'll try not to hurt you too badly. Dear."

"Hell."

"Out you go! Wouldn't want the doc ta be late for his big date." Mal grinned at the doc.

The doc glared back.

"I'm getting new supplies for the infirmary out of this."

"Try to play hard to get."

Zoe grabbed the doc by the wrist and hauled 'im out the door before he could do anythin' stupid.

Jayne followed.

xxx

"Remind me again why I have one of Zoe's earrings stuck through my ear?"

Jayne couldn't help but smile at the orneriness in the doc's voice. Messed up as things was, it warmed his heart ta have the doc feelin' all picked on.

"Oh, that's right. So that you can all overhear my conversation I'm going to go have on my date with a sly pimp hwoon dahn. And remind me again why I'm doing that?"

"Because the space monkeys got loose in the engine room again and we can't take off until we have parts they took, which we don't have money for because your date refuses to pay. And because the captain told you to." Zoe's voice was cool.

"Yeah. Space monkeys."

The doc turned around an' glared at Jayne. "Shut up." Jayne could hear 'im mutterin' as he turned around. "Fei fei de pi yan."

Jayne pulled his horse to a stop. "Hey!"

The doc pulled his horse around and brought it up ta Jayne's. "Yes?"

"Boys…"

Jayne reckoned Zoe'd pulled her horse around by then, but he was too busy glarin' back at the doc.

"Is there some sort of retort you'd like to fling at me, Jayne? Or is 'hey' all you could come up with?"

"You wanna fling that… retort… at me to my face?" Jayne's hand tensed on his reigns.

"Certainly. Fei… fei… de… pi… yan."

"Now come close enough for me ta punch that pretty face've yours."

"Stop." Jayne heard the click an' whine of a safety bein' pulled back. He turned ta Zoe. She was sittin' in her saddle, pointin' a gun at Jayne.

"Why you pointin' that at me? He started it."

"Actually, you started it by molesting my girlfriend."

"Hey!" Jayne turned back toward the doc. "I ain't molestin' nobody. Can't molest the willin'. An' she ain't yer girlfriend."

Jayne could see the doc's jaw tense. He turned toward Zoe. "Are you sure you want him coming into the party? He might try to make a move on Mr. Pink. I know how he likes to play with my things."

"Stop. Now."

Jayne looked over at Zoe an' saw her face. Shut his mouth around what he was about ta say.

"I can appreciate that you two aren't getting along right now. But if you mess up this job, we will be stuck on this rock. And there will be plenty of time for someone to figure out that the alliance is looking for us. And then we're all humped. All of us." He looked from Jayne ta the doc. "So get the job done. Dong ma?"

Jayne swallowed hard.

The doc turned his horse back around.

xxx

"Listen… Zoe…"

"It's none of my business what's going on between the two of you."

Zoe settled herself inta the dirt between two trees an' sited down at the complex.

Jayne's horse pawed at the ground.

"Gorram it, you already know what's goin' on between us. You heard, just like he did."

"And it ain't none of my business."

"I could really use someone ta talk to."

Zoe rolled over a bit an' looked up at Jayne.

"Then talk to Kaylee. Talk to her until you're all done talkin' instead of walkin' away. Did ya think of that?"

"Well… but… with the doc…"

"If you want her to come at you without the doc in her head, you've gotta put him outa yours, too. It's only fair."

Jayne's jaw dropped. He stared at 'er.

"It's a small ship. Your voice carries."

She rolled over on her belly again.

"Time to go in, baobai."


	14. Chapter 14

Weren't no need ta feel guilty 'bout findin' a nice girl ta spend some time with. First off, the captain had told 'im to. Second, Kaylee hadn't actually staked her claim. Third, havin' a woman stake her claim had never stopped Jayne from findin' a nice, different girl ta spend some time with before.

'Course, no one had really ever staked their claim in 'im. And he ain't ever staked nothin' in nobody long term before.

Hazard of movin' around too much, he reckoned. Certainly weren't nothin' wrong with 'im.

The doc's silly yella horse was tied up outside the main house, along with a couple dozen other horses. The noise comin' out the door was even louder than it'd been when he'd come before. Lot've people in there. He'd have ta be real sure ta stay pretty close ta the doc in order ta make sure he was safe.

Not that he really cared, personally. Havin' him taken hostage would sure make things a lot easier with Kaylee.

Why hadn't Kaylee staked her claim?

He felt a hand slide along his back.

"You got an invite?"

The hand slid across his side. The girl attached ta it came around an' looked up at him.

It was the dark-haired one. Marie.

"You!" She smiled. Looked genuinely glad ta see 'im again. "Back for more?"

Jayne grinned. "Didn't get much the first time."

"Too true." She peeked around him, then looked back up at 'im through her lashes. "You alone?"

He shrugged. "Couldn't get any real business done with the missus around, I reckon."

She smiled. "I reckon."

"Can't come in if you ain't got an invite."

Jayne turned ta see who was talkin'. It was the red-haired one. Stella. She was standin' in the doorway lookin' at 'im. He saw the smile spread real slow across her face. "Oh. Didn't know it was you."

Marie took Jayne's hand an' coaxed him up the steps ta the door where Stella was standin'. "Told ya he'd come back."

Stella didn't look away from 'im as she answered. "I was hopin' you were right."

She circled around him like Marie had, trailin' her fingers up an' down his back, feelin' around his waist. Jayne knew now that she was lookin' fer weapons. Didn't stop him from enjoyin' it much.

She put her hand on his chest when she got around ta his front. Stood on her tiptoes, pressin' herself against 'im. Her breath tickled his ear. "Can't come in if you ain't got an invite."

"Lucky for you, we've got an invite." Marie was smilin' up at 'im, still holdin' his hand in a way that let 'er stroke his palm with her fingertips.

Stella backed down an' took his other hand. Jayne let the two girls pull 'im inta the house.

Gorram. This was easier th'n he'd thought it'd be.

A few things registered with Jayne as the girls pulled 'im through the crowd. First, everyone was dressed up real nice. Second, everyone was men. There was a few girls movin' around in the crowd, but they was all servin' drinks. All the men were talkin' between themselves.

Made 'im feel kinda creepy.

The curtain that led ta Mr. Pink's room was pulled back. Mr. Pink was holding up a drink and laughing. He looked up, still smilin'.

"Girls! Oh, look what you've found."

Jayne glanced over at the doc, who was sittin' ta Pink's right. The doc looked at 'im an' raised his eyebrows, then looked away.

"He showed up at our door." Stella put her head on Jayne's shoulder an' slid her arm under his.

Marie slid her arm under his other one an' started strokin' his bicep real lightly. "Can we keep 'im?"

Pink stood up and eyed Jayne up an' down. "I believe we've met."

Jayne nodded. "Came here with my wife a few days back."

"Ah." Pink smiled. "Yes. And now you've come back without her."

Jayne didn't like the way he was lookin' at 'im. He looked over his shoulder an' back to Pink.

"Looks like I interrupted somethin'."

"Not a problem." Marie tightened her hold on his arm. She looked at Pink. "Right? Please? Tell 'im it's not a problem."

He was still smilin' his eerie-ass little smile. "Of course it's not." He looked at the two girls on Jayne's arms. "But who will watch the door?"

"Ask Lizzie. Or Netta. Hell… ask anyone." Marie's voice dropped to an irritated mutter. "It's not like anyone's doin' much tonight."

Jayne looked down at 'er. She looked back up at 'im. "Slow night for us."

Pink smiled again. "Well, the two of you have been working hard. I suppose you've earned a treat." He looked at Jayne again. "You will, of course, be willing to pay."

"'Course."

Pink nodded. Jayne an' his girls turned ta leave.

"Oh! How rude of me. I forgot to introduce you to my friend."

Jayne turned back. Pink offered a hand ta the doc. The doc stared at it for a bit, then took it and stood.

Pink kept hold've the doc's hand.

"Jayne, this is… I believe your name was Zeek, yes?"

Jayne grunted an' clenched 'is jaw.

"Zeek, this is my friend Jayne." Pink gestured ta the doc.

Jayne sniffed. "Good name."

The doc looked at 'im. "I was named after my mother."

"Good woman."

"I take after her in a lot of ways."

Jayne clenched his teeth again.

He could feel Pink's eyes goin' between him an' the doc.

Stella cleared her throat.

Jayne turned around an' let the girls lead 'im away.

Had ta be said, this was one of the warmest welcomes Jayne'd ever got.

He was lookin' down at Marie. She had her head in his lap an' was lookin' back up at 'im, strokin' his fingers that was restin' on her belly.

Stella was leanin' against 'is side. She'd pulled his arm around 'er and was playin' with the hair on it.

"Mr. Pink has these parties 'bout every other month. Whenever he gets bored." Marie picked his hand up an' put hers against it, comparin' the sizes.

Stella shifted an' pulled Jayne's arm closer around 'er. "He gets bored a lot."

They were sittin' on a couch not too far away from Mr. Pink's little cubby. There was a couple've men gettin' too close ta each other fer Jayne's taste on the other end've the couch.

Jayne spared a glance at the doc. He an' Mr. Pink were talkin'. The doc laughed.

Jayne looked back down at Marie.

She linked her fingers through his an' looked back up at 'im. "An' so do we."

Stella'd shifted so that she could nibble real light on his earlobe.

Jayne was losin' his focus real fast.

Marie slid her hand from Jayne's an' sat up, drapin' her leg across his lap. She slid her hand up his shirt an' toyed with the hairs there.

"That's why we were so glad to see you." She kissed his neck.

Stella was breathin' real light in his ear. Drivin' him near crazy. "We'd been hopin' you'd come back since you left. Waitin' for ya."

Marie nuzzled his neck. "Watin' fer a real man."

Jayne closed his eyes. Forget the doc.

Marie moaned softly next ta his ear. "And you're a real man."

Jayne sighed as Stella started on his ear again. "Damn right."

Real man. Real… man. Real… someone else had called him that.

Jayne lost the train of thought as Marie climbed onta his leg and started on his other ear.

Ai ya, that felt good. Real good. Real… man. Real…

"Kaylee."

"Marie. But I'll forgive you."

Jayne opened his eyes.

Shi.

He pushed the girls away as gentle as he could, despite their protests, an' put his head in his hands. Took a few deep breaths.

When he opened his eyes again, both girls were sittin' with their arms crossed lookin' at 'im.

Stella tipped her head ta the side. "You done feelin' guilty now?"

Marie moved in an' started kissin' his neck again.

Ye-soo, that was nice.

Jayne's brain stopped fer another second or two.

Stella took the opportunity ta stand up an' start tuggin' at his hand.

"Why don't we go somewhere a little more… private?"

Jayne opened his eyes again. "No!"

Marie stopped kissin' his neck.

Stella raised her eyebrows and looked around. "Okay. I guess if ya like people bein' able ta see…" She looked back at Jayne. "I'm okay with it if you are." She smiled a wicked little smile that woulda made a weak man melt.

Jayne was only a little weak. So he only melted a little.

"I can't… it's just… I… uh…hell."

"Your wife?"

"Somethin' like that."

He could feel Marie lookin' at 'im. "I thought your wife's name was Rebecca."

Stella looked over at Marie. "Rebecca?" She looked down at Jayne. She turned and pulled a coffee table closer. Then sat on it so she was facin' him. "So then who's this Kaylee?"

"Girlfriend?"

"How romantic."

"Do you love 'er?"

"Is she pretty? I bet she is, ta win' a big ol' piece of manful like you."

Jayne sat back in the couch. Marie was sittin' with her hands folded in her lap.

"So then what are you doin' here?"

"Oh! Let me guess!" Stella leaned forward. Jayne could see clear down her shirt. Took 'im a bit ta look away. "You were forced ta marry this Rebecca woman fer… I dunno. Business reasons or somethin'. But really you're in love with this Kaylee. But you can't be with Kaylee because… because… well, because you're married and it wouldn't be good for business."

Jayne smiled.

"And Kaylee's married ta some… hwoon dahn doctor or something."

Jayne looked over at Marie, then back ta Stella.

"How'd you do that?"

Stella shrugged. "We read a lot've cheap romances. Not a whole lot ta do around here."

"So you came here ta forget yer troubles an' pretend that Rebecca an' Kaylee don't matter to ya."

Stella was noddin' all wisely. "But they do. At least Kaylee does."

Jayne sighed an' ran a hand over his face. "Rebecca's more've a… friend-type."

"You poor thing." Marie scooted closer to 'im and ran her fingers through his hair.

"Marie! The poor man's life is difficult enough! Don't complicate things!"

Marie scooted back again. "Sorry. But he's just so… damn… swai."

Jayne grinned an' looked down at 'is hands. "I ain't never been called swai before."

"You're kiddin' me."

Jayne looked up at Stella. She looked genuinely surprised.

He shrugged.

Marie came in from the side again. She slid her hands down his arms. "But… you're so… big. An' manful. An'… big." She nuzzled his neck again.

"Marie!"

"Right." Marie retreated, but Jayne could see her outa the corner've 'is eye, starin' at 'im an' chewin' on her thumbnail.

Stella hand her chin restin' in her hand an' was lookin' at 'im all intent-like. "Are you in love with her?"

"With Kaylee?"

Stella nodded.

"I… well I want her real bad. An' I think about her all the time. An' when I'm not around her I feel like… I feel like there's only half of me."

Stella smiled. "So… yes, then."

Jayne nodded.

Marie sighed. "Ai ya. I want a man like that."

"But you're married."

"Well Z… Rebecca knows. She doesn't seem ta mind none."

Stella raised her eyebrows. "Does Kaylee's husband know?"

Jayne snorted. The doc…

He sat up. _Ni ta ma de tian xia suo you de ren dou gai si._ He'd forgot about the doc.

He looked over at Mr. Pink's room.

It was empty.

A hand dropped onto his shoulder from behind. Jayne shot off of the couch and whipped around.

One of Pink's goons was standin' behind the couch. Two more were standin' behind him.

"Mr. Pink would like to have a word with you."


	15. Chapter 15

Jayne was taken up the stairs and down a hall where another of Pink's goons was standin' outside a door. He nodded an' opened it as Jayne an' his guards came up.

The goon who was holdin' his arm pushed Jayne inta a chair. Jayne turned ta glare at 'im.

The door opened again. Mr. Pink an' the doc came in. Mr. Pink sat in the chair behind the desk. The doc looked around for another chair. There wasn't one. So he stood.

Mr. Pink folded his hands carefully on the desk. "Someone is not being altogether truthful."

The doc shifted. Jayne blinked.

Mr. Pink leaned toward Jayne. "Why are you really here?"

There were two guards standin' inside the door. Reckoned there was two more standin' outside. Mr. Pink didn't look like he was too strong, but he might be able to put up a decent fight long enough fer the two guards ta get hold've Jayne. Mal didn't let Jayne bring a gun, but he reckoned Mr. Pink kept one in that desk. Probably kept it locked, though.

Jayne shrugged. "I thought it was pretty obvious."

Pink nodded. "Yes. It did appear to be so. You came looking for a good time. You remembered us from when you and your… wife… came through earlier. You saw the goods," He looked over at Marie an' Stella, "and you decided to come back. But what an interesting night to come back on."

Wood desk. Probably had the drawer lined with somethin', though, ta keep it from bein' easy ta break into. But if he was sittin' there, he probably had the drawer unlocked in case he needed ta get into it fast.

Maybe there was some sort of… catch er somethin', instead've a lock.

"Seemed as good a night as any."

"Perhaps. But I think that you came to keep an eye on someone." Pink turned and looked at the doc.

The doc looked about as white as a sheet.

Zoe had ta be hearin' this over the comm.

Pink turned back to Jayne. "Jayne here has a very distinctive horse. I've never seen anything like it. It's very easy to pick out in a crowd, if you were to… say… ride by."

Jayne'd seen holsters on Pink's goons. Didn't see what kind of guns were in 'em, but he reckoned they were the killin' kind. If he could get one of 'em close enough…

"What are you gettin' at?"

"Well," Pink sat back in his chair. "It became obvious when I introduced the two of you that you knew each other. And that you weren't necessarily happy to see each other here. And then you went off to a spot with a clear view of the room that Jayne and I were sitting in and you," he leaned forward again, "and this is the part that convinced me… you pushed my girls away."

"He felt bad!"

Jayne turned. He hadn't realized that Marie an' Stella had come in.

It didn't seem to faze Pink, though. "Oh, I'm sure he did. Most married men would." Jayne turned back around. Pink was lookin' at 'im. "But I don't think it was his wife he was thinking of."

They hadn't tied him. The closest guard was about two yards away. If he moved fast enough…

"I think he was thinking of Jayne."

He could…

Jayne blinked.

"Oh, yes. I imagine you would be surprised that I'd figure it out. A big, burly man like you. Who would have thought you were sly?" Pink looked over at the doc again, who was lookin' just as surprised as Jayne reckoned he was. "But the good doctor could convert nearly anyone, I imagine."

Jayne blinked again.

That was downright unsettlin'.

"Doctor!"

Marie was the first one to break the silence.

"You… you're the…"

Jayne turned to look at Marie.

Stella had grabbed her arm.

"Marie."

"But you're the… How could you? Don't you know they're in loOW!"

Stella had stomped on her foot.

"Love?"

Jayne turned back to Mr. Pink. His eyebrows were raised. "Love." He looked over at the doc. "Now that was unexpected."

He looked back at Jayne. "Love."

"Y-yes. Yes. We're very much… in… love."

Jayne clenched his jaw and looked over at the doc. This was NOT how he wanted this to go down.

The doc looked down at Mr. Pink. "We'd had an argument right before I first came here. That's why I accepted your invitation." He looked back at Jayne. "I'm sorry."

Jayne took a deep breath and growled through clenched teeth. "Me too."

"Well."

Jayne looked down at his fists. He could feel Mr. Pink lookin' from him ta the doc.

"Well. I can't say I'm altogether pleased."

He sniffled. Jayne looked up.

Ye-soo. Mr. Pink was cryin'.

Weren't right ta see a grown man cry over another grown man. Especially when the grown man he was cryin' over was the doc.

Made Jayne feel downright uncomfortable.

Mr. Pink pushed his chair back suddenly an' stood up.

"I hope you two are very happy together."

He was gone before Jayne could say anythin'.

Marie let out a sigh that sounded like it started in her toes. "Mr. Pink doesn't want you back here ever again."

Jayne shrugged an' patted his horse on the rump. "I figured."

"Says the pain's too fresh."

Jayne tried to smile. But it was just too damn weird ta smile about.

"You aren't… really…"

Jayne turned ta Stella. "Hell no."

"Good." She smiled.

Marie tipped her head ta the side and looked over ta where the doc was gettin' on his horse. "He is the doctor, isn't he? Kaylee's doctor?"

Jayne followed her look. "Yep."

"I don't like 'im." Jayne looked over at Stella. She had her lips pressed together an' her eyes narrowed.

"Me either. I mean, he's pretty an' all, but… any man who Mr. Pink would think was…" Marie stopped an' looked at Jayne. "I mean… other than you."

"Marie an' me… we figure we're about done here. Figure it's time ta move on. But… the thing is… Mr. Pink ain't gonna let us go long as he has this place open."

"So we figure it's about time this place wasn't open." Marie smiled up at Jayne.

"Takes a lot of money ta keep this place runnin', ya know. Have ta pipe the electricity an' the water all the way in from town."

"An' no one in town really likes Mr. Pink, 'cept he gives 'em enough money that they're willin' ta overlook it."

"So… you see… if he didn't have any money…" Stella trailed off an' smiled.

"And we could use some coin ta start out new life. Get off this rock an' start a house of our own somewheres."

"And I'm sure you could use some coin ta start your new life with Miss Kaylee."

Jayne smiled. Money was somethin' he could always smile at. "What's your percentage?"

"Fifty/fifty."

"Sixty/forty."

Marie raised her eyebrows. "That's fine, if we're gettin' the sixty."

Stella grinned. "You do owe us for our time on the couch."

Jayne smiled again. "Had ta try. Fine. Fifty percent. Of how much?"

Stella looked at Marie. They shrugged an' turned back ta Jayne. "I dunno. Figure he's probably got about…"

"Half a mil in platinum on site."

The doc was sittin' on his horse about a yard ta Jayne's right.

He looked from Jayne ta the girls. "He told me while he was telling me what a good catch he was."

Jayne made a face. "Ugh."

"Hey. You aren't in on the deal." Marie turned ta Jayne. "He isn't in on the deal."

Jayne turned ta her. "'Fraid he is."

"But he…!" She turned ta the doc. "But you…!"

Jayne cleared his throat. "It's… complicated."

Marie folded her arms and glared at the doc.

"Fine. But we still get fifty percent."

Jayne turned ta Stella. "What's the plan?"


	16. Chapter 16

Zoe was waitin' fer 'em about halfway ta the ship.

"Good plan." She fell inta step with 'em.

"Thanks." Jayne shifted in his saddle. "Now you wanna tell me why the gorram hell you didn't come get us outa there?"

"Nobody said turtle. Coulda said turtle anytime you wanted to, and I'd've come in there guns blazing. 'Sides, seems to have worked out just fine."

"Fine? FINE? Gorram… _ta ma de hun dan_ was questionin' my manfulness!"

The doc snorted. "Didn't seem to be a problem when he was questioning _my… _manfulness."

Jayne scowled at 'im. "You SAYIN' somethin'? Gorram mumbler."

"Would you stop? _Tyen shiao duh. _You're worse than an old married couple."

Jayne turned back ta Zoe. "What the hell's that supposed ta mean?"

The doc let out a huffy little noise. "How soon you forget. I thought you loved me."

Jayne clenched his teeth so hard his head near exploded. Took all the strength in 'in not ta leap off his horse and wipe that gorram smile off the doc's face.

Mal was waitin' for 'em in the cargo hold. River, Kaylee an' Inara was sittin' in a corner, laughin'. Playin' jacks, from what Jayne could see.

Kaylee tossed her hair back an' looked up. She smiled. At Jayne. Not at the doc.

Jayne smiled back.

Took a second fer him ta notice how Inara an' River was lookin' at 'im, too. Inara was smilin'. Looked away real discreet-like when he noticed 'er. River had her head tipped ta the side. Noddin' kinda slowly.

"Tell me you worked your wiles, doc."

Jayne turned back ta Mal.

"Hardly."

Mal looked at Jayne, then over at Zoe. "Tell me we know where to goods are."

Zoe smiled. "We know where the goods are."

"No thanks ta the doc."

The doc scowled at Jayne, then turned ta Mal. "No thanks to Mr…. Mr…. Obvious."

Jayne snorted. "Clever."

"Hey!" The doc turned on Jayne again. "I was doing just fine until you came in and made it obvious we knew each other and then sat there staring at me and ignoring your whores!"

"You ignored your whores?"

Jayne turned around. Kaylee an' the girls'd snuck up on 'em. Kaylee was lookin' at 'im with a funny kinda look on 'er face.

"I didn't ignore 'em." He turned back ta Mal. "I didn't ignore 'em! We was just…" he turned back ta look at Kaylee. "Talkin'."

Kaylee smiled an' looked down at 'er feet.

"Someone wanna explain all this to me?"

Jayne turned back ta Mal. He was lookin' a mite ornery.

"Do we or do we not know where the money is?"

"We do."

"Okay. Good. That's good."

Mal went quiet. Zoe was lookin' at Jayne. So was Kaylee, far as Jayne could tell. The doc was lookin' at Kaylee. Jayne was lookin' at Mal, who was lookin' around at everyone.

"Now's the part where you tell me where it is."

Zoe raised her eyebrows. "Jayne. It was your plan."

Mal looked at Jayne again. "Jayne? This is a Jayne plan?"

Jayne cleared his throat. "See… there was these whores. They was real nice whores. We got ta talkin' about…" Jayne cleared his throat again, "things. Made kinda a… little friendship, ya might say."

Mal folded his arms.

"So anyways… there was these whores. An' when the doc's plan fell through, well… well they decided… see, they wanna take Mr. Pink's money an' shut the compound down. But they're just… yanno… whores. So they asked me ta help."

Mal raised his eyebrows.

"Fifty fifty cut of half a mil in platinum."

Mal whistled low under his breath an uncrossed his arms. Put his hands on his hips. "Quarter mil in platinum. That's more th'n the original deal. Not that I'm complainin'."

"We could get some real shiny new parts ta fix Serenity up." Jayne turned. Kaylee was grinnin' at 'im like he'd done good. "Maybe get us some real food."

Inara smiled. "Apples."

"No." River shook her head. "No apples. Kaylee doesn't want any more apples."

Kaylee coughed and looked at 'er feet again.

"Well, we ain't got the money yet. Let's not be spendin' it all."

Jayne turned back ta Mal.

"So what's the actual plan ta gather up all this platinum?"

Jayne looped his thumbs in his belt loops. "Pink's goin' away on business. Doesn't wanna stick around on account 'a… the doc breakin' his heart an' all."

Mal's eyebrows went up again. Jayne kept on talkin'.

"Stella an' Marie… them's the whores… they say he generally takes half his men with 'im when he goes. Leaves half behind ta watch after the house."

Mal nodded. "And the platinum."

Jayne nodded back. "The girls reckon they can distract 'em, though. Slip somethin' in their drinks."

"And we trust 'em." Mal turned ta Zoe. Jayne tried ta figure out if it was a question. Felt he oughta defend Stella an' Marie just in case.

"They're good whores."

Mal turned back ta 'im. "I ain't questionin' their abilities. I'm questionin' their motives."

"I think we can trust 'em, Sir."

Mal turned back ta Zoe. Seemed ta consider fer a second. He nodded. "Alright then. When do we do this?"

"Tomorrow night, 'round midnight. Girls figure they'll be good an' drugged by then."

Mal nodded ta Jayne. "Good work." Then 'e turned an' climbed up the stairs ta the second level.

Left Jayne feelin' kinda… accomplished.

Zoe flashed Jayne a rare smile an' followed the captain. Inara wandered off soon after, leavin' Jayne, River, Kaylee, an' the doc.

"Simon!"

Everyone turned ta look at River.

"Simon, I need you to come run tests on me." She grabbed the doc's hand an' looked at 'im all intent-like. "I think I'm going crazy again. Crazy River. Wooooo!" She turned toward the infermary, tuggin' the doc behind her.

He followed, eventually. Didn't look happy about it, though.

"So." Kaylee scuffed her shoe.

"So." Jayne rocked back on his heels.

"Were they pretty whores?"

Jayne nodded. "Yup."

"Oh." Kaylee chewed on her lip an' looked around.

There were a few seconds of silence.

"Like… pretty how? Beautiful? Gorgeous? Cute? Not bad?"

Jayne grinned. "You jealous?"

Kaylee smiled a shy little smile an' looked at 'im sideways. "Maybe."

"Well you ain't got nothin' ta worry about, little Kaylee. Alls we did was talk. Weren't even dirty talk."

She grinned. "Really?"

Jayne nodded. "Really." He turned an' started walkin' over ta the stairs. Needed ta sit down when Kaylee was this close ta him. Got all weak an' womany in the knees.

"So what'd you talk about?"

Jayne sat down. Kaylee sat next ta 'im. He could smell 'er hair. Wished she was closer.

He looked over at 'er. Traced the profile of 'er face with his eyes the way he'd done thousands a times since he'd first seen 'er.

"The only thing I ever think about."

She looked over at 'im, her mouth open a little. She blushed an' looked away again. Wiped her hands on her knees.

Jayne took a deep breath. "I like you, Kaylee. I done liked you since I first met you. Been likin' you more ev'ry day since. An I seen you lookin' after all types 'a menfolk. The doc. That foolheaded dead guy."

"Tracey."

"Right. Mostly the doc."

Kaylee bit her lip in that way she had.

"An' it killed me. Not 'cause it wasn't me you was goin' after. Well… yeah, 'cause it wasn't me you was goin' after."

Kaylee laughed a short little laugh that made Jayne's belly flutter.

He reached out an' tucked a strand 'a hair behind her ear. Not 'cause it made her look prettier. That was impossible. He did it 'cause he couldn't stand not touchin' her anymore.

She turned an' looked at 'im.

"It was mostly 'cause… they didn't see you. Tracey… well. An' the doc… it took him forever ta even realize there was anythin' in the world 'cept Cr- 'cept River. An' that ain't right. Any man worth his salt'd realize you was the only thing in the world first time they saw ya."

Kaylee was lookin' at 'im. Really lookin' at 'im, her mouth open a little. "Why didn't you say somethin'? All this time…"

Jayne snorted. "Would you've listened?"

"Well… no. But what about Saffron? An' that girl at the Heart of Gold? You seemed plenty interested in them."

Jayne shrugged. "I dunno. Got hard waitin' fer the real thing. I didn't know if you'd ever… yanno." He shrugged again.

Silence again. Kaylee was lookin' at 'im. Suddenly, she reached out an' puched his shoulder. "Then why'd you stop me? The other night, after the kosu weed. Why'd you stop me?"

Jayne laughed an' rubbed his shoulder. "I alreadly ruttin' told ya. Gorram hardest thing I've ever had ta do, by the by." His smile faded. "You're special, Kaylee. I…" He cleared his throat an' turned his face away. "I wanted it ta be special." Came out as kinda a mumble. Hadn't wanted ta say it. Stupid thing ta say.

Kaylee put her hand on his cheek an' turned his face back ta hers. "That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said ta me." She looked at 'im real close, then leaned forward an' kissed 'im on the cheek.

Jayne could feel his cheeks gettin' hot. "Hell. I ain't sweet."

Kaylee pulled back a little so she could look 'im in the eye. She smiled. He could tell by the way her eyes crinkled. "That's a gorram lie, Jayne Cobb."

She looked at 'im for a bit. Then she leaned in again. Closed the distance between 'em. An' Jayne didn't turn away.

It was like electricity. Like two charged batteries finally touchin'. Lettin' of a spark. Makin' his heart jump.

Her lips fit perfect against his, like they was made fer each other. He almost didn't want ta move. Didn't want ta break the thread of that first kiss. But there was more. An' he had ta have it. Had ta know every little secret hidden in her perfect mouth.

He kissed her deeper. Or maybe she kissed him. She slid her hands behind his neck. He slid his around her waist. Felt down her side an' pulled her legs inta his lap so he could get closer.

His heart was poundin'. He felt like he couldn't breathe. Kissin' Kaylee was like dyin' an comin' back ta life ten thousand times.

An' he let himself die. Let himself go. 'Cause there weren't nobody in that hold 'cept him an' his girl.


	17. Chapter 17

She was so beautiful when she slept. She was beautiful all the time. Still beautiful when she slept.

Kaylee was curled up on 'er side, her back ta Jayne's gun rack. Jayne was on his side, facin' her. He hadn't slept. They'd stayed up until the little hours—not doin' anythin', really, 'cept talkin' an' kissin'. Jayne reckoned he'd really been missin' out on all that kissin' over the years an' Kaylee seemed real happy ta oblige.

Kaylee eventually fell asleep. Jayne tried, but he kept openin' his eyes every five minutes ta look at 'er. Gave up, eventually.

Her eyelids flickered. She smiled.

"You watchin' me sleep?"

Jayne smiled. "No."

She opened her eyes. "Liar."

She stretched her arms over her head like a cat. Kinda took Jayne's breath away.

She scooted toward 'im. He opened his arms for 'er an' she slipped right between 'em ta cuddle up against 'is chest.

She let out a little sigh. "I missed you."

Jayne closed 'is eyes an' rested his chin on top of her head. "Mm?"

"While I was sleepin'." She slipped 'er arm around his waist an' slid her hand up his shirt in the back. Slid her hand along his spine. "Kept dreamin' about you, but it wasn't good enough."

Jayne smiled again. Kaylee pulled away a little ta look up at 'im. He opened his eyes.

She was smilin'. He tipped his head down' an' kissed 'er, real soft. Funny, how it still made his heart jump like the first time.

She made a happy little noise an' smiled at 'im again when he pulled away.

Jayne rolled onta his back, pullin' Kaylee with 'im. She was so little against 'im. Hardly seemed ta weigh anythin'. She sighed again an' put her head in the curve of his neck.

"This is nice."

Jayne slid his hand up an' down her back an' closed his eyes again. He was sleepy now. Happy-sleepy. Well-fed-puppy-sleepy. "Glad you think so."

She was quiet, just layin' there against 'im. Felt real comfortable ta have her there. Felt… right.

Jayne started driftin' off ta sleep.

"Jayne?"

"Mm?"

Kaylee buried her face in his neck. Her voice was hardly above a whisper. "I think I have a crush on you."

Jayne smiled. Dreamed real happy dreams.

xxx

Jayne wrinkled his nose. Lifted up a hand ta bat at whatever it was that was ticklin' it.

His hand hit somethin' soft. He closed his fingers around it and opened his eyes.

"Whatcha doin' that fer?"

Kaylee's head was tipped ta the side. She wiggled her fingers that was all wrapped up in Jayne's hand. "I'm hungry."

Jayne stretched and rolled onta his side, pullin' Kaylee against 'im so their bodies fit perfect together, her back ta his front. He tightened his arm around her waist an' closed his eyes again. "No ya ain't."

She laughed and squirmed in a way that made Jayne near see stars. "It ain't my fault you didn't sleep last night."

Jayne sighed an' slipped his hand under her shirt. Trailed his fingers real light across the scar in her belly. "The hell it ain't."

Kaylee slipped her hand over his. "I didn't force ya ta stay awake an' watch me… all creepy-like."

Jayne could hear the smile in her voice. He smiled back eventhough she couldn't see. "Guess it's yer mama's fault fer makin' ya so pretty."

Kaylee shifted an' rolled onta her back. Jayne opened his eyes an lifted up on his elbow so he could look down at 'er.

She was still smilin'. Jayne liked makin' her smile.

She reached up with one hand an' touched his cheek. Slid her fingers down his jaw.

She slid her fingers behind his neck an' pulled him down, leanin' up ta meet him halfway. She kissed 'im again. Sucked his lower lip between her teeth in that way that made him go all funny inside.

He slid his hand down her side an' grabbed her hip. He couldn't help but scowl when she pulled away.

"I'm hungry."

Jayne sighed and rolled back onto his back. He stretched again. Kaylee was watchin' him.

She slid her hand up his shirt an' leaned over ta kiss his ear. "So swai."

"Mm." Jayne pulled her back on top of him. "Swai enough ta get that fool idea about eatin' outa yer head?"

Kaylee giggled. "A girl can't live off Jayne alone."

Jayne raised his eyebrows. "Won't know 'til you've tried."

She pretended ta hit his shoulder. He pretended it hurt.

She rolled off him an' walked over ta his mirror. She stood there a bit, tryin' ta make sense of the hair Jayne'd spent all night mussin' up. He rolled onta his side ta watch her. After a bit, he got up an' walked over ta her. He stood behind her an' wrapped his arms around her. Kissed the side've her head.

She smiled at him in the mirror.

"This is weird."

"Yer hair?"

She laughed. "No. This. Us. Me an' you."

Jayne's eyebrows dropped.

"Not a bad weird! Just… yanno." She shrugged. "Unexpected."

Jayne let go've her an' stepped away. "You ain't never pictured yerself with me?"

"Well… no. Not until… I don't know. Maybe."

Jayne turned away an' headed toward his bed.

"Don't get all mad!" Kaylee caught his wrist. Jayne turned ta her. "I ain't complainin'." She smiled.

Hard ta feel ornery with a smile like that around. But Jayne tried.

She leaned up an' kissed him real light.

Jayne cleared his throat ta hide his smile. "Better get up there before someone eats all that de-lightful protein we've got."

Kaylee grinned. "I ain't hungry."

"You ain't?"

Kaylee shook her head an' leaned up ta kiss him again.

xxx

It was past lunch when they finally made it into the kitchen. River an' the doc was sittin' in the little room off ta the side. The doc got up an' pried River's fingers off his wrist from where she'd grabbed 'im. He walked up ta Kaylee an Jayne.

"Afternoon."

If looks coulda killed, Jayne wouldn't've been around ta hear what the doc said next.

"Kaylee, I think we should talk."

Jayne stepped forward. "Reckon yer talkin' right now."

The doc didn't even look at Jayne. "Alone."

Jayne snorted.

Kaylee stepped up beside Jayne. "Ain't much privacy on this boat. May as well talk in the open, seein' as everyone'll hear anyway."

The doc folded his arms. "Fine."

Kaylee put her hands in her pockets an' looked at the ground.

No one said nothin'.

Jayne let out a breath. "This is talkin'?"

The doc looked over at 'im. "Shut up, Jayne."

"Don't you tell him ta shut up."

The doc turned back ta Kaylee. "Jayne? JAYNE? Out of all of the people in the universe, you leave me for JAYNE?"

"Out of everyone on this BOAT, which ain't got a lot of options, as I recall you tellin' me once, yes. I left you for Jayne."

That stung. Jayne looked over at Kaylee. "You picked me 'cause you ain't got options?"

Kaylee looked at 'im. "That's not what I meant."

The doc broke in. "You had plenty of options! Mal. And… um… Inara."

Kaylee snorted. "Inara!"

"Or you just could have stayed with me."

"No, I couldn't have."

Jayne was still on what Kaylee'd said about options.

"Why not, Kaylee? Why? Because I'm not… manly enough for you? Because I'm not… smelly and… gun-wielding and… what does he have that I don't?"

Kaylee folded her arms. "Me."

That shut the doc up for a bit. Made Jayne feel a little better, too. 'Cept the bit he'd said about bein' smelly.

The doc's voice was real quiet when he spoke again. "But why?"

"Because you never saw her."

The doc turned around. Jayne'd forgotten Crazy was even sittin' there.

She had her hands folded in her lap an' was lookin' down at them. She looked up.

"Even when she was over you. Under you. You never saw her. Not with your brain."

The doc took a step toward her. "River…"

"Your brain was here." She pointed to her head. "You looked. But you were too busy to see." She turned her eyes ta Jayne. "Jayne sees. Even when he looks somewhere else, he sees." River smiled. She looked back at the doc. "You accepted." She turned back ta Jayne. She pulled her knees up to her chest an' wrapped her arms around them. Her smile got bigger. "Jayne loves."

Her smile dropped an' her face turned stern as she looked back at the doc. "Don't be selfish." She put her feet on the ground an' stood up. She walked over ta the doc. She took his hand. "Come on. Let's go look at my brain." She smiled at him like it was some kinda treat an' pulled him out the door.

Jayne just stood lookin' at the place where she'd been sittin'.

"You love me?"

Kaylee's voice was real quiet.

Jayne couldn't look at 'er. Wasn't sure why. He cleared his throat. "Yep."

They stood in complete silence for a bit.

"I didn't pick you because my only other options were Mal an' Inara."

He glanced at her outa the corner've his eye. "Thanks."

"Want some soup?"

Jayne turned an' looked at 'er. He smiled. "Sure."


	18. Chapter 18

Everyone was waitin' fer the job that night, so there wasn't much ta do. Kaylee an' Jayne sat in the little room off the kitchen most of the day. They changed position every once in a while. Mostly they were just… tagether.

The crew, 'ceptin the doc, were pretty acceptin' 'a the stuff goin' on between Jayne an' little Kaylee. Nobody really said much, 'cept Inara, who only said she was glad they was happy.

Jayne was happy. He liked ta think Kaylee was, too. He'd thought about holdin' Kaylee, kissin' her, playin' with her hair, all that, fer so long he kept expectin' ta wake up. He was in a haze—on a high a thousand times better thn' kosu weed. Kaylee. Kaylee weed.

Gorram, he was happy. Felt off ta be so happy. But for Kaylee… he'd allow it.

She had her head in his lap. Her eyes were closed. Jayne thought she might've fallen asleep until she sighed.

"I oughta be doin' somethin'."

He brushed her hair off her forehead. "Ship ain't runnin'. What do you reckon you've got ta do?"

She sighed. "I dunno. Somethin'. Don't feel right ta be just sittin' here bein' all happy an' warm with you. I feel like Mal's gonna come in here an' yell at us."

She opened her eyes. "Not that I'm complainin'." She smiled.

Jayne put his hand along her jaw an' traced her lips with his thumb. Strange, how he couldn't help touchin' her.

"Yer ruinin' my reputation, Little Kaylee."

"You have a reputation?"

"'Course I do. I'm a womanizin' hard-assed mercenary. I ain't supposed ta cuddle."

She sat up. Jayne could see she was holdin' back a laugh. She got up an' dusted her lap off. "Maybe I can see if Inara's busy."

Jayne growled an reached out fer her. He grabbed her around the waist an' pulled her onta his lap. He jabbed her in the ribs, makin' her squirm an' laugh like anythin'.

Someone cleared their throat. Jayne stopped ticklin' Kaylee an' looked up.

Mal was standin' with his arms crossed. "Hate to interrupt, but I believe we got a caper to pull off."

Kaylee sat up an' tucked her hair behind her ear, grinnin' an' lookin' more thn' a little sheepish.

"Now? What time is it?" Jayne looked toward the window. It was black outside.

"Time to go. Get a move on. We're leaving in five minutes and I want you armed."

Jayne watched 'im go.

"Told you he'd come in an' yell at us."

Jayne turned ta Kaylee an' smiled. Leaned over ta kiss her nose. "Gotta go arm myself fer the caper."

He stood up. Kaylee grabbed his hand an' held on fer a bit. Jayne looked down at 'er.

"I'll miss you." She smiled her sweet little smile.

"Yer comin' too, baobai. Condition of the plan." Jayne smiled.

Kaylee raised her eyebrows. "Yeah?"

Jayne nodded. "Yeah.

They took the mule this time. It was just Mal, Zoe, Kaylee an' Jayne. The doc hadn't wanted ta revisit the past an' of course Crazy stayed with 'im. Said she had ta keep an eye on 'im. Inara said she "wasn't fit for looting," but she smiled at Mal when she said it. Jayne was startin' ta think maybe there was somethin' goin' on between the two of them.

Mal stopped the mule a good distance away from the compound.

"Zoe and Jayne, you go in first. Check things out. If things look level, you come tell us. If things don't look level… you come tell us."

"Good plan, Sir."

"Thanks."

Jayne winked at Kaylee. She smiled. Then he jumped off the mule an' followed the Zoe-shaped figure toward the blazin' lights of the compound.

"I did what you said."

"I figured."

"I talked to her."

"Did more than that, I reckon." Jayne could hear the smile in Zoe's voice. "Not that it's any of my business."

"Thanks."

"Anytime. I was part of a functioning marriage for a while, as you may recall."

She never talked about that. Her sayin' somethin' stung Jayne more than he thought it would. Not that Zoe meant it ta be hurtful. Jayne just didn't like thinkin' about… It'd been almost a year. But he still didn't like thinkin' about it.

Zoe changed the subject. "So should we sneak in or should we just walk in the door?"

"You askin' me?"

"This is your plan, Jayne."

Jayne smiled. His plan.

"I reckon we can go right ta the door. My girls'll be good on their word. Plus I've got Vera."

Turned out Jayne didn't need Vera. Stella an' Marie was standin' right outside the main door waitin'. They came runnin' over. Slowed down when they saw Zoe.

Marie crossed her arms an' looked Zoe up an' down. Then she turned ta Jayne. "You brought yer wife?"

"She ain't my wife."

Stella looked from Jayne ta Zoe an' back ta Jayne. "I don't think I get it."

"Is she a twin? I bet she's a twin. Stella, she's a twin."

Stella gave Marie the kind of look Mal was always givin' Jayne.

Marie shrugged. "What?"

"I don't think she's a twin, honey."

Marie looked back at Zoe.

"I'm not a twin."

"Damn."

"My name is Zoe. Zeek here's real name is Jayne."

Marie looked at Jayne an' narrowed her eyes. "I thought the sly doctor's name is Jayne."

Zoe shook her head. "His name is Simon."

"Who's Simon?"

Marie turned ta Stella. "The sly doctor's name is Simon. Jayne's really Zeek. Er… Zeek's…." She trailed off.

Stella looked at Jayne. "So you're Jayne. The sly doctor."

Zoe sighed. "No. The sly doctor's name is Simon. And he's not sly. This is Jayne. There is no Zeek. I'm Zoe. And we're not married."

"So you're… I don't… so he… _ni ta ma de tian xia… _look at that gun." Marie was starin' at Vera.

Stella let out an' appreciatin' noise.

Marie looked up at Jayne. "Can I touch it?"

Jayne grinned. "Sure. Be real gentle, though."

Stella an' Marie both crept forward an' held out a hand ta touch Vera's side. Marie moaned.

Zoe cleared her throat. "Can we talk about the job?"

Marie looked over at Zoe an' pouted. Looked real ornery ta have her moment ruined like that. "Yeah, it's set up. Wife or not, you're still bossy."

"And holding a gun."

Stella cut in. "It didn't work out exactly as we planned, though."

Jayne looked at 'er. "What happened?"

Stella scuffed her foot. "Well… ya see… the plan was, we were gonna get the guards real good an' liquored up. Get 'em so they was real tired-like."

Marie chimed in. "So they'd fall asleep."

"So they'd fall asleep. But ya see… there wasn't as much liquor as we thought there was, seein' as there was that big shindig last night."

"An' the guards take an awful lot ta even get tipsy."

Stella nodded. "Big men."

"An' ya see, Stella an' me, we're real… yanno… desirable. Popular with the wrong type of man."

"So we keep some Belladonna around. Makes anyone fall asleep like nothin', if ya put it in wine. Even the wrong type of man."

"Even big men."

"So we put it in the whisky. All of it."

"All've the whisky er all've the Belly… whatever?"

Stella smiled at Jayne. "Both."

"An' then everyone started playin' this drinkin' game. It's called… Stella, what is that game called?"

"Kumquat."

"Right. An' what it is is there's a deck've cards an' you say 'neg' er… what is it?"

"Kumquat."

"Yeah. An' then they flip the card over an'—"

"What happened with the Belladonna?"

Stella an' Marie both glared at Zoe.

Stella turned away real slow toward Jayne. Marie kept on glarin'.

Stella cleared her throat. "They're all asleep."

Jayne lowered his eyebrows. "Thought that was the point."

Marie pried her eyes away from Zoe. "Nah. The point was ta make the guards fall asleep."

"You know how long it's gonna take ta move half a mil in platinum? We was gonna have the girls help us."

Marie chewed on her lip. "But they're asleep."

Stella nodded. "They're asleep."

Marie stood on her tiptoes an' tried ta peer over Jayne's shoulder.

Jayne looked at 'er, then turned ta make sure there was nothin' behind him. He turned back. Stella an' Marie was lookin' at 'im.

"Where's Kaylee?"

Mal an' Kaylee was both leanin' up against the mule when Jayne came toward 'em. Mal straightened up as they neared. Jayne could see his hand stray toward his gun.

"It's alright, Sir. Everything's clear."

Mal turned toward Zoe. "Then what're these?" He tipped his head toward Stella an' Marie.

"These are Marie an' Stella Johnston, elite gentleman's escorts. This one's Marie." Marie ambled over ta Mal. "You an elite gentleman?"

Mall looked at Jayne. "These your whores?"

Jayne nodded. "Them's my whores."

Marie was eyein' Mal like she was starvin'. "Can we pretend you're an elite gentleman?"

"This is Stella. That one's Marie." Jayne gestured at Marie with Vera.

Mal was tryin' ta ignore her. "Gathered that."

Jayne turned ta Stella an' nodded in Mal's direction. "That's Mal."

"Mal. Bad. Have you been bad, Mal?"

Mal looked at Marie. Then he turned ta Zoe.

"I know, Sir."

Kaylee was lookin' at Jayne from behind Mal like she was afraid ta come out.

Stella spied her anyway.

"Kaylee!"

Kaylee backed up against the mule as Stella lunged toward her an' threw her arms around 'er. She let out a nervous kinda laugh an' gave Jayne a look.

Jayne just smiled.

Stella pulled back an' held Kaylee at arm's length. She turned ta Jayne. "I like 'er. She's got a good face, Zeek."

"Jayne."

"I like Zeek better."

"Oh! Look at that smile!" Marie left Mal alone an' joined Stella in appreciatin' Kaylee. She turned ta Jayne. "I could just spread 'er on a buiscuit an' gobble 'er up."

"Thanks." Kaylee sent Jayne another look.

"Ya know, if you weren't sa gorram cute, I reckon I'd have ta kill you."

Kaylee's eyes got real big.

"I thought we were here for platinum."

Stella turned ta Mal. "Right! Follow me."

Marie grinned an' pulled Mal along by the hand. "Reckon you should be up front with us, should somethin' happen."

Jayne wated Stella an' Marie herdin' the captain toward one of he outbuildings. Zoe followed with her gun.

Kaylee came up beside Jayne. Jayne looked down at 'er.

"She threatened ta kill me."

"Nah. She said she WEREN'T gonna kill ya."

Kaylee nodded slow an' stared forward, pressin' her lips together.

"I'd snap 'em in half if I thought they was a treat. Just got ya. Ain't even sick've ya yet."

Kaylee smiled up at him. "That's sweet."

There was a bunch of crates in the buildin' with Chinese labels sayin' suff like "ginger" an' "beans." Zoe, Mal, an' the girls was standin' in front've a case labled "corn seed."

Jayne ain't never seen platinum corn seed before.

There was a stack've guns next ta Zoe. Jayne reckoned they'd come from the guards he'd stepped over at the door.

"All these crates full of platinum?" Mal nodded toward the crates linin' the far wall.

Jayne caught the look Stella gave Marie. "Well… we… ain't sure." Stella offered a weak smile.

Mal turned ta her. Her smile flickered, then went out all together.

Marie stepped in. "We ain't ever allowed in here. It's Pink's men who come in an' out."

"Sometimes they come out with platinum, sometimes they come out with…" Stella gestured at the crate. "Corn seed."

Marie turned ta Stella. "What is corn seed?"

"It's like plantin' corn."

"Oooh." Marie nodded.

Jayne could see Mal's jaw tense. "So we're going to have to open all these crates and check what's in them?"

Stella nodded.

"And move them out."

Marie nodded.

"Before the guards wake up and kill us."

Stella nodded again.

Mal nodded. Then he turned ta Jayne. "This may just be the best plan ever."

Zoe cleared her throat. "We can always back down, Sir."

"And not get paid."

"There is that chance."

Kaylee stepped forward. "Maybe I could go back to the ship an' get the rest to come help us."

"And leave the ship lyin' there empty for anyone to come steal?"

"We could bring the ship here, Sir."

Mal stood with his hands on his hips, lookin' at Zoe. He nodded after a while. "Fine. Kaylee, Zoe, go get the ship. Put it down about twenty meters north of this building." He turned to Jayne. "If I lose my ship, I will sell your ass to buy myself a new one."

Zoe turned around at the door. "Sir, you couldn't even get another firefly for that mangy hide. Sell his guns."

Jayne tightened his grip on Vera.

"Jayne."

Jayne turned toward Mal, clutchin' Vera ta his chest.

Mal gestured at the boxes.


End file.
